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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Around the world, more adults can work from home and more children can study from home as computer technology technologies become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Technology
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 has widespread across the globe, which made it less expensive and easily available to anyone. It provides freedom to employees and students to do their work from
home
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.
According to
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 me,
this
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 is a bone to society and
this
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 essay will shed light on its justified points in
further
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 discussion. First of all
this
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 productive development will give a chance to everybody to take advantage of
technology
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technology
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 in any new canon of the world.
In other words
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, not every region on
this
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 planet has colleges and schools available like countryside areas. Unfortunately, most of the learners cannot commute daily and quit the study, but because of the advancement in gadgets and the internet, anyone can learn from
home
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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 'The Times Of India' news channel 22 years old had launched his own application on the internet, and learned its basics from the course he enrolled on Coursera app online, because he had not found University nearby.
Moreover
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, working from
home
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also
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 provides more flexibility. By that, it means, working individuals can spend more time with their family and work comfortably. It is indeed true that women are resilient enough to manage careers and personal lives together, but working from
home
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 can give them the freedom to manage their time wisely.
According to
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 data on the internet, Most females and males from the IT and computer field prefer to do their jobs from
home
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 and the pivot reason is, that it helps to save money on
traveling
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travelling
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 and time as well.
To conclude
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, the advancement of
technology
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technology
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 has the potential to bring major differences in working patterns. For me, it would help millions of people to earn from wherever they want and
also
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 help in declining the rate of unemployment.

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task achievement
In the introduction, try to clearly state your position with more clarity. It will help set a clear tone for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure is maintained; for instance, avoid redundancy like 'technology technology'. Watch out for spelling and grammar mistakes.
task achievement
Add more detailed and diverse examples to reinforce your points, this will provide a stronger support to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Transitional phrases can be used more effectively to ensure smooth flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely wraps up the main points and reinforces your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You effectively highlighted the benefits of technology for education and work, making your argument stronger.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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