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Band 6.5

Many individuals abuse their power or influence to get their family members jobs that they might not be well-suited for. What are the problems created by this evil and suggest some solutions.

#individuals #abuse #power #influence #members #jobs
Nowadays everyone wants to be in a higher position;
people
 trying to achieve it illegally. It is argued that very important
people
 in society are misusing their power for
nepotism
 for unskilled individuals.
This
 essay will talk about the problems and solutions to
such
 matters in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
 with, favoritisms can be seen everywhere now. It causes many problems in the society. First and foremost, skilled
people
 will not get the job and individuals who are related to politicians or other officer’s family members get the job. These family members may not be as skilled as other
people
.
Moreover
, high authority influences on the staff make them provide opportunities to unskilled members.
This
 illegal posting brings many consequences and normal
people
 have to face these difficulties that it causes.
Secondly
, well-educated humans who lose their jobs may get frustrated about the hard work that they did to get the position. Some are fed up with
this
 and may think about suicide.
For example
, studies show that 30% of
people
 commit suicide
due to
 not becoming successful in their lives and that 10% are
nepotism
 victims. There are different ways to stop
nepotism
. To start with, we should teach our kids at home and school not to do favouritism and the problem that it occurs. By learning from parents and teachers kids will understand how it affects human life.
Next,
the government should be more careful about
nepotism
 and should develop some rules to stop it.
Additionally
, the government can post a group of officers to enquire about it and punish them if anyone is doing it.
However
,
this
 team should not do any
nepotism
while
 enquiring.
To conclude
,
nepotism
 is dangerous and it causes many problems in our society and individuals. There are a variety of steps that can be taken to stop it.
Hence
 it should be stopped by the government and everyone should be treated equally.
Submitted by rinuthomasmathew07 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Try to organize the points logically, connecting ideas smoothly and linking sentences and paragraphs with appropriate cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
To fully address the task, make sure you cover all parts of the prompt by discussing both the problems and solutions related to the issue. Develop your ideas comprehensively by providing specific examples and detailed explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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