IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while other think that good working atmosphere is more important, Discuss both views and state your opinion.

There is a debate over whether some people believe that earning more
money
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 and not having free
time
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 for relaxing,others argue that having more free
time
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 but earning less
money
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 is better.
While
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 some argue that having a well-paid
job
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 is the key to a successful life, others believe that a positive and supportive working environment holds greater value. In my opinion, spending
time
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 with close ones has more benefits than making
money
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,because not all off family members or friends live forever , and we should appreciate them. On the one hand,people who prioritise a high salary argue that financial security is essential for a comfortable life.With more income,individuals can afford better housing,education,healthcare,and leisure activities.
Furthermore
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, a well-paying
job
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 can bring a sense of achievement and social status.
For instance
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, many young professionals are willing to sacrifice their free
time
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 to earn more and build a stable future.
Therefore
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, they believe that the effort and long hours are justified by the financial rewards.
On the other hand
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,some believe that a good working atmosphere is more important than
money
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.A friendly and respectful environment reduces stress and increases
job
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 satisfaction ,which can have a positive effect on both mental and physical health.Working in a team where colleagues support each other and management respects employees can lead to higher motivation and productivity.
Moreover
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, people who work in a pleasant atmosphere are more likely to stay with the company long-term, which benefits both the individual and the employer. In my opinion,
while
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 salary is undoubtedly important, a healthy and supportive workplace should be a top priority. Earning a high income is not worthwhile if it comes at the cost of constant stress, burnout, or unhappiness. A balanced life where one feels valued and enjoys going to work can lead to long-term personal and professional success. In conclusion, both salary and working conditions are important when choosing a
job
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.
However
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, I believe that a good working atmosphere plays a more crucial role in
overall
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 happiness and well-being than simply earning more
money
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 at the cost of one’s
time
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 and health.

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task achievement
Make sure to add more examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear connecting words to guide the reader through your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your introduction and conclusion a bit more strong by summarizing your main points clearly.
task achievement
You have clearly expressed your opinion, which is important in this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is organized well, making it easy to follow your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • career advancement
  • professional development
  • networking
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • mental health
  • job satisfaction
  • positive work environment
  • valued and supported
  • loyalty to company
  • long-term commitment
  • stress levels
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