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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development
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These days, kids are under the pressure of achieving
success
 being forced by their
parents
 as
means
Correct article usage
a means
show examples
 of enhancing their
parents
' self-esteem.
This
 has major negative effects on possibly leading them to feel severely depressed and even suicide or to have wrong mindsets. Some
parents
 force their
children
 to study hard and be successful in order to make them proud of themselves.
Parents
 who could not study enough
due to
 poverty in the past and do not currently have a successful life may wish their
children
 to achieve
success
.
This
 is because if they succeed, the
parents
 can show off to other people and other
parents
 and they will look for them or ask for secrets or their advice on their
children
’s
success
.
For example
, if their child becomes a doctor, people will think the major reason for their
success
 is because their
parents
 are either smart or have a special principle that led their child to succeed.
This
 will cause some negative developments. A child who did not achieve
success
 as their
parents
 wished them to may consider themselves losers and not worth living a life.
This
 can develop into deep depression among
children
, and even possibly lead them to suicide.
This
 can
also
 have a crucial impact on building the wrong perception that the only way to be happy in their lives is to succeed when they are still various ways of pursuing happiness
such
 as travelling around the world with their families and friends and eating their favourite food. Today,
parents
 are increasingly highlighting the need for their
children
 to succeed with a major cause contributing to them not having a successful life currently. It has a considerable influence on creating wrong beliefs among
children
 and may cause mental illness and even suicide.
Submitted by rlatpdms1411 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Introduction and conclusion must be more explicit and effectively summarize your position and argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with precise and relevant examples. Ensure that your argument doesn't repeat ideas and provides a balanced view of the subject matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
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