IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Detailed report of criminal act in the media can lead to negative effect on society. Therefore news media should be strictly controlled. To what extent do you agree or disagree?]

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The use of news media should be limited because they cover full-length incidents that have a negative impact on society. I partially agree with
this
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 statement as it has both negative and positive consequences, will explain my thoughts in the upcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost merit point is that it gives transparent information. The broadcasting of news through different sources like TV, radio, magazines and so on gives us all the details regarding what's going on around the world and helps us to make ourselves aware whenever go outside or stay home alone. With the help of these sources, individuals can take some measures to keep themselves safe.
For example
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, a news report published by The New York Times found that in America 70% of the population adopted some safety precautions like turning on live location with their near and dear ones or carrying pepper spray to avoid being harmed by the culprits. The main demerit point of
this
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 statement is that it creates fear and anxiety among the community. The detailed coverage of data released by media reporters creates a situation of uncertainty and depression that can lead to critical health issues. In
this
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 generation, folk are already suffering from many serious diseases that cannot be cured easily.
Hence
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,
this
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 type of thing
also
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 creates a number of problems for society who are not familiar with
this
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 kind of publication.
For example
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, a study by Hindustan University shows that about 57% of communities live in stress and trauma just because of media coverage. In conclusion, no doubt the multimedia sector has numerous benefits to our economy but the transparency of data related to criminal activities or investigations
also
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 leads to adverse outcomes for the crowd who are suffering from severe illnesses.

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Task Response
Try to provide a more balanced argument by addressing counterarguments and further elaborating on the positive aspects of media coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay, and clarify how your ideas relate to one another more explicitly.
Overall Structure
You've demonstrated a clear stance on the issue and structured your essay into clear paragraphs, which is great!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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