IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it is advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that living in high-rise building are only for lonely and unhappy folks,
while
Linking Words
 others
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 it because it can be
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantageous to stay
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there
instead
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. In response to that argument, I prefer supporting the second opinion, yet
this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate a deep exploration of both views.
People
Use synonyms
 who live in high-rise apartments typically do not know many
people
Use synonyms
 in their building because there is no term like
shared-connection
Correct your spelling
shared connection
show examples
 as
people
Use synonyms
 who live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
surrounded by
neigborhood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhoods
 around them. That reason is probably the main factor why many
people
Use synonyms
 are
considered
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 living in high-rise
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 only for
people
Use synonyms
 who are lonely and unhappy.
However
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, what they have in
commen
Correct your spelling
common
 is they can afford
such
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 a high-standard living most likely
due to
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 their high-paid salary from their jobs.
Instead
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judging
Change preposition
of judging
show examples
 their
unhappy
Replace the word
unhappiness
show examples
 and
lonely
Replace the word
loneliness
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, they are living their fullest
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
 because they accomplished what they desire. Having a chance to live in
such
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
luxurious
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 manifested into one of their bucket
list
Change to a plural noun
lists
show examples
. There is one particular trait
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 who
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 that sort of
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 that they normally have high-paid occupations so
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can afford that
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 to live in high-rise apartments. So,
people
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in high-rise
apartmens
Correct your spelling
apartments
apartment
 do not mean they are lonely
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and unhappy.
Otherwise
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, they are all
high-achiever
Correct your spelling
high-achievers
show examples
 who successfully accomplished their present
lifestyle
Use synonyms
due to
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 their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and
perserverence
Correct your spelling
perseverance
.
For instance
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 relocate from small cities
into
Change preposition
to
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 bigger cities
such
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 as Tokyo or New York City because they succeeded
to reach
Change preposition
in reaching
show examples
 some level of income. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 who successfully achieved high-standard living to live in high-rise apartments
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not mean they are unhappy and lonely.
Otherwise
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, they surely are one of the
hardworkers
Correct your spelling
hardworking
people
Use synonyms
 because to afford
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
 luxurious
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 is not for many
people
Use synonyms
. So, having a high-standard
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 has become their
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
 and probably that makes them happy.

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should state the topic and your thesis, the body paragraphs should explore each view separately with clear topic sentences, and the conclusion should summarise the points made and restate your opinion.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately. Transition words such as 'however,' 'furthermore,' and 'for instance' can help guide the reader through your essay, but they must be used in the correct context and should not be overused.
support
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you have provided some examples, further details and elaboration would strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should clearly present both views before stating your opinion, and you should spend roughly the same amount of space discussing each view to fully respond to the prompt.
logical structure
Enhance the coherence of your essay with logical paragraphs that flow smoothly from one to the next. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, clearly presented at the beginning, and developed throughout the paragraph.
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