IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

These days too many people maintained that helped by relying on doctors and medicines rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #doctors #medicines #lifestyle
It is no wonder that nowadays people
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 relying on health workers and
stuffs
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
 rather than living a healthy life. I truly agree with
this
 statement as I
also
Add a missing verb
am also
show examples
 the one who
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 depends get maintained by
doctors
 and drugs as it more
simple
Replace the word
simpler
show examples
 to have a treatment than do some preventive actions. Living a healthy life means that we
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 enough with everything
according to
 our body, like what we do, what we eat, and even our sleeping time. We have to be
discipline
Wrong verb form
disciplined
show examples
 to do
this
 in our
routines
.
For example
, we have to wake up at least at 5 am in the morning
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
do exercise, get
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 healthy breakfast, and
then
 eat
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lunch, and get enough sleep for
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
8
Change preposition
of 8
show examples
hours a day.
According to
 these, I am sure that not everyone can do
this
Change the determiner
this routine
these routines
show examples
routines
according to
 their activities and necessity.
In contrast
, many people
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 living a life as they want rather than following a healthy lifestyle
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is more flexible for them. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals dislike regulations, they do not like being regulated on what time they have to wake up,
what
Correct word choice
or what
show examples
 foods they have to eat.
Moreover
, they do not like
be
Change the form of the verb
being
show examples
 forced to do exercise.
However
, when they
finally
 fall sick or feel unwell, they might go to the
doctors
Fix the agreement mistake
doctor
show examples
 or consume some medicines to cure their body. In conclusion, I strongly agree that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people are more likely to be helped by
doctors
 and drugs after they feel unwell or sick rather than following healthy
routines
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be incriminating for some.
Furthermore
, as long as they can do their activities as usual,
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 healthy
routines
 is not crucial to be followed because in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 they can always rely on the
doctors
 or drugs.
Submitted by imsarunn on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure. This includes well-organized paragraphs with clear main ideas followed by supporting sentences. Use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and states your position, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. Both introduction and conclusion need to be fully developed and coherent.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point in its separate paragraph with clearly explained arguments and relevant examples. Ensure that the connection between the main point and the supporting details is straightforward and evident.
task achievement
Thoroughly address all parts of the task. Make sure that your response is complete, with a clear opinion that is relevant to the question. The ideas presented need to be clear and expanded comprehensively throughout the essay.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. Avoid general statements without concrete evidence, as this will strengthen the impact and credibility of your arguments.

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