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Band 5

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.

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It is no wonder that nowadays people prefer relying on health workers and staff rather than living a healthy life. I truly agree with
this
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 statement as I am
also
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 the one who prefers depends get maintained by doctors and drugs as it more simpler to have a treatment than do some preventive actions.
To begin
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 with, living a healthy life means that we are concerned enough with everything
according to
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 our body, like what we do, what we eat, and even our sleeping time. We have to be disciplined to do
this
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 in our routines.
For example
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, we have to wake up at least at 5 am in the morning
do
Correct your spelling
to
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 exercise, get a healthy breakfast, and
then
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 eat a healthy lunch, and get enough sleep for a
minimumof
Correct your spelling
minimum of
 8 hours a day.
According to
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 these, I am sure that not everyone can do
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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routineroutines
Correct your spelling
routine routines
according to
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 their activities and necessity. Eventually, many people prefer living a life as they want rather than following a healthy lifestyle because it is more flexible for them. Most individuals dislike regulations, they do not like being regulated on what time they have to wake up, or what foods they have to eat.
Moreover
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, they do not like being forced to do exercise.
However
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, when they
finally
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 fall sick or feel unwell, they might go to the doctor or consume some medicines to cure their body. In conclusion, I strongly agree that most people are more likely to be helped by doctors and drugs after they feel unwell or sick rather than following healthy routines which might be incriminating for some.
Furthermore
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, as long as they can do their activities as usual, practising healthy routines is not crucial to be followed because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 the end, they can always rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctors or drugs.

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task achievement
The essay demonstrates an attempt to respond to the task with a clear opinion, but overall task response could be improved by fully addressing all parts of the prompt, including explaining why people rely on doctors and medicine, and discussing the potential downsides of not living a healthy lifestyle. Include more developed explanations and a clearer argument throughout.
coherence cohesion
The essay holds together with basic logical sequencing and paragraphing across intro, body, and conclusion. To enhance coherence, work on maintaining a focus on topic throughout and using cohesive devices effectively. Improving transition phrasing between ideas and paragraphs will help build a stronger argument flow and coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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