IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Organising a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant from your own knowledge and experience.

#celebration #event
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In
this
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 day and age, it is argued that a huge family party, especially a wedding, can bring some challenging issues. In the following essay, I will discuss some of the potential hardships
this
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 causes and suitable solutions. One of the main problems is that holding a family celebration can waste a lot of time and money. To prepare for a ceremony, people usually spend approximately 1 day to 1 month to purchase expensive items
such
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 as food, decorations, or furniture. Even though the host can not afford to elements at a costly price.
However
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, I believe the solution to
this
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 obstacle is simple. The owner should decrease the spending by inviting fewer relatives and reducing the scale of events.
For example
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,
instead
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 of a big party, the breadwinner can flexibly adjust the extent to be appropriate.
In addition
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, several people forget the meaning of the celebration. Sometimes, they just hold it as a habit because they learn by imitating their parents each year
while
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 others just do it for beneficial purposes.
For instance
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, several masters take advantage of
this
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 party to make money and receive high-cost presents, exclusively wedding money.
Thus
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, people have to find out about the original magnificence of each event and think carefully before deciding to hold it. All in all, organizing a large family ceremony
such
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 as a wedding can often cause plenty of trouble like inaccurate ambitions or unaffordable expenses. But the host will be easy to solve all by offering solutions and overlooking some things that aren't crucial.
Submitted by ms.quyenmelody on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure. Ensure that paragraphs follow a logical order, with each one building on the one before it, and use transition words to link ideas and paragraphs together more clearly.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but are not effectively developed. The introduction should clearly address the prompt, and the conclusion should summarily reiterate your key points and directly answer the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are supported, but there's room for more development. Include more detailed explanations and a wider range of supporting details to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete but is too general. Use the essay prompt to create a focused answer that addresses all parts of the question directly and thoroughly.
task achievement
The ideas presented are understandable but not developed with sufficient clarity and detail. Work on constructing more comprehensive arguments by refining your ideas and explaining them more fully.
task achievement
The examples provided are somewhat relevant but lack specificity. Reference actual events, personal experiences, or hypothetical situations to clearly illustrate your points and make your writing more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebration
  • organizing
  • wedding
  • problems
  • budget constraints
  • prioritize
  • realistic
  • venue selection
  • research
  • guest list management
  • finalize
  • catering arrangements
  • professional
  • coordinator
  • entertainment
  • activities
  • accommodation
  • out-of-town guests
  • opinions
  • expectations
  • communicate
  • compromises
What to do next:
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