92.In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is argued that in many nations, individuals live longer and
this
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may cause issues for
governments
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,
while
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others would argue that an increase in the number of elderly
people
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will benefit society.
This
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essay would argue that
although
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governments
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' expenditure on hospitals increases, there are more job opportunities for nurses.
This
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means that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. The primary disadvantage is that
governments
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need to increase the amount of money spent on elderly
people
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.
This
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is because older
people
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get health-related problems more easily, so they need to go to hospital more frequently.
As a consequence
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, the government need to increase the funds that are used for public health.
For example
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, the amount of money that the Spanish government spent on public health increased by 40% in 2021.
However
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, I believe that
this
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is not a significant drawback since they get back the money by increasing taxes. The main benefit of the increasing number of elderly
people
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is that there are more job vacancies. A large number of individuals specialized in nursing and caring for elderly
people
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will be needed because more individuals need to be attended to.
This
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will cause a decrease in the unemployment rate, which means that fewer
people
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need to suffer hunger and they will
also
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have a better life. Recent research concluded that in 2022 there were around 10,000
people
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in Pekin who worked in jobs in which they needed to take care of elderly
people
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, which is 20,000 more than in 2021. I think that
people
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living for longer time benefits the society. In conclusion,
although
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governments
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need to spend funds on public health, the employment rate increases, so life quality for citizens
also
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increases, for these reasons, the benefits of
people
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living longer far outnumber the drawbacks
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Task Achievement
You need to ensure that the essay has a clear position throughout, which should be reflected in both the introduction and the conclusion. While the conclusion is present and reiterates the position, the introduction is not as direct in stating the thesis. Refining the thesis statement will strengthen the overall essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your logical structure can be improved by better organizing the points discussed. Try to clearly distinguish between paragraphs by using varied and appropriate transitional words or phrases. This helps guide the reader through your argument in a more cohesive manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are generally supported, but providing deeper analysis, more development of ideas, and a wider range of examples could strengthen your arguments. Be cautious of overgeneralized statements and try to ensure examples are fully explained and directly related to the main point.
Task Achievement
While you have provided a complete response to the task, you can enhance clarity by more closely aligning your argument with the exact prompt. Provide a more nuanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, and attempt to directly compare the extents to which one outweighs the other, as the question requires.
Task Achievement
You have included relevant examples, but they could be more specific to illustrate your points effectively. Generic references to research or statistical information should be supported by clear sources or made more realistic. Always ensure that examples used are directly related to the point being made and contribute to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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