92.In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

It is argued that in many nations, individuals live longer and

this

may cause issues for

governments

while

others would argue that an increase in the number of elderly

people

will benefit society.

This

essay would argue that

although

governments

' expenditure on hospitals increases, there are more job opportunities for nurses.

This

means that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. The primary disadvantage is that

governments

need to increase the amount of money spent on elderly

people

This

is because older

people

get health-related problems more easily, so they need to go to hospital more frequently.

As a consequence

, the government need to increase the funds that are used for public health.

For example

, the amount of money that the Spanish government spent on public health increased by 40% in 2021.

However

, I believe that

this

is not a significant drawback since they get back the money by increasing taxes. The main benefit of the increasing number of elderly

people

is that there are more job vacancies. A large number of individuals specialized in nursing and caring for elderly

people

will be needed because more individuals need to be attended to.

This

will cause a decrease in the unemployment rate, which means that fewer

people

need to suffer hunger and they will

also

have a better life. Recent research concluded that in 2022 there were around 10,000

people

in Pekin who worked in jobs in which they needed to take care of elderly

people

, which is 20,000 more than in 2021. I think that

people

living for longer time benefits the society. In conclusion,

although

governments

need to spend funds on public health, the employment rate increases, so life quality for citizens

also

increases, for these reasons, the benefits of

people

living longer far outnumber the drawbacks

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Mon Nov 13 2023

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Task Achievement

You need to ensure that the essay has a clear position throughout, which should be reflected in both the introduction and the conclusion. While the conclusion is present and reiterates the position, the introduction is not as direct in stating the thesis. Refining the thesis statement will strengthen the overall essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your logical structure can be improved by better organizing the points discussed. Try to clearly distinguish between paragraphs by using varied and appropriate transitional words or phrases. This helps guide the reader through your argument in a more cohesive manner.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your main points are generally supported, but providing deeper analysis, more development of ideas, and a wider range of examples could strengthen your arguments. Be cautious of overgeneralized statements and try to ensure examples are fully explained and directly related to the main point.

Task Achievement

While you have provided a complete response to the task, you can enhance clarity by more closely aligning your argument with the exact prompt. Provide a more nuanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, and attempt to directly compare the extents to which one outweighs the other, as the question requires.

Task Achievement

You have included relevant examples, but they could be more specific to illustrate your points effectively. Generic references to research or statistical information should be supported by clear sources or made more realistic. Always ensure that examples used are directly related to the point being made and contribute to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?