IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

SOme people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others belive that old people's life nowadays is much better than in the past. Discuss both view

#people #world #belive #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 some hold the idea that becoming older is backward in these days and ages, others believe there are upsides to getting ageing.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both two notions and figure out factors differing them. On the one hand, living in an era of modern societies makes people’s lives easier, especially for elderly people.
Firstly
Linking Words
, thanks to advancements in healthcare
such
Linking Words
 as implementing cutting-edge technology in surgeries or medical breakthroughs improving precision and patient outcomes, the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 has been enhanced.
Besides
Linking Words
, older individuals find it more convenient as they can access better and improved public health measures contributing to increased
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy and reduced mortality rates, helping the elderly to enjoy healthier and longer lives.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 My Elder Press, Japanese
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy has risen by 2% since Japan applied assistant robots to take care of the older
population
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, social attitudes toward ageing people have evolved over time. The elderly
population
Use synonyms
 is known as a valuable resource with experiences and expertise being sought in various fields resulting in an increase in opportunities to attend more meaningful activities like volunteering, and mentoring.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, getting old puts societies under pressure related to assistance resources and prevents them from job opportunities. When the
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy becomes longer, it causes concerns having to do with the sustainability of social security systems and healthcare infrastructure to support an ageing
population
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, resources and needs to provide adequate care and support for older individuals pose challenges for societies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social attitudes toward the old
population
Use synonyms
 are still influenced by ageism as human ability declines as we age including cognitive abilities like learning new skills and remembering things.
As a result
Linking Words
, discrimination, stereotyping and marginalization of older undermine their potential in many areas.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are about 90% of the older
population
Use synonyms
 in Vietnam is rejected when applying for jobs
due to
Linking Words
 their age. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 being old in
this
Linking Words
 modern world gives older people great chances to access a better
life
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 limits them in terms of job opportunities and creates concerns about care resources. It is important to keep striving for policies and practices that can help the elderly
population
Use synonyms
 to be more recognized and supported.
Submitted by nguyenmysam722001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear central topic that is explained and developed, rather than listing multiple ideas with less development. Strive for coherent development of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately, avoiding over- or under-use. Review coherence by ensuring ideas flow logically and clearly from introduction through to conclusion.
task achievement
While addressing both views and giving examples, make sure to delve deeper and offer analysis or reflection on these examples to enrich the essay.
task achievement
Continue to address all parts of the task with sufficiently developed ideas while expanding upon them to add depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: