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Band 4.5

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not fuction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

#society #rules #laws #individuals #fuction
When it comes to living in
society
, some would argue that the existence of rules and
laws
 is pivotal
otherwise
 people would do whatever they wish for. In my opinion,
however
, it would be possible to live in a
society
 which does not have any
laws
 as we do have
ethics
 and
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
 already in us. First and foremost,
laws
 and rules take place so that we ensure no one crosses any lines that are considered "wrong". Despite that,
laws
 are made by people who already believe in what is right or wrong based on the philosophical concepts of
moral
Replace the word
morality
show examples
 and
ethics
.
Therefore
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is not necessary to have them once we already have these values within us.
Moreover
, having
laws
 is
also
 a way to punish people, as Foucault has already said, and
this
 does not necessarily mean a good thing. We would better have more education and
enforcing of
Wrong verb form
enforce
show examples
 our moral standards rather than a punitive system.
For example
, there are many schools that do not work with a principal or
stated
Change the form of the verb
state
show examples
laws
. In fact, students come to decide what is right or wrong and have their own council to organize their little
society
. Indeed, these schools count on great philosophy and sociology lessons that ensure their students are enlightened with our standards of
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
 and
ethics
.
To conclude
,
although
laws
 and rules might help to regulate a
society
 I do not believe in them as they are purely punitive and come from a mindset that citizens are aware of -
ethics
 and
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
- and could, by themselves, practise and live peacefully.
Submitted by cristina.gpereira on

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coherence cohesion
The essay somewhat maintains a logical structure, yet there is room for clearer transitions and more explicit connections between ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present but lack a definitive statement that reflects the extend of agreement or disagreement clearly.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address all parts of the prompt. There is a clear position, but the extent of the agreement or disagreement is not explicitly stated. The response requires a balanced consideration of both sides of the argument. Specific examples are limited and could be further developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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