Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
In
this
modern world, it is true that crimes
have risen all over the world. There are many offenders committing crimes
once they are released from prison. The cause of this
might be a lack of education during imprisonment or an inability to obtain employment, potentially leading to re-offending. However
, the problems are solvable, and there is a potential solution to prevent the situation.
To begin
with, there are numerous reasons why offenders commit crimes
once they are released from prison. Due to
corporal punishment and uneducated when they are imprisoned, their mental behaviour changes, and for that reason, they commit offences again. For example
, during their term time, they are punished brutally by prisoners, and uneducated properly by jailers, which causes them to lose their mental capability. Additionally
, inability to obtain employment, proof of this
is that to be able to work as a normal person also
challenges them.
On the other hand
, there are some solutions to eliminate this
problem very effectively. Firstly
, the government
should implement education programs in jail to educate prisoners and give them an opportunity to be able to study while
they are in prison, including providing official qualifications such
as a diploma, or bachelor’s degree. Secondly
, the government
should also
support companies to help offenders with job pathways. For instance
, the government
subsidises the company to employ ex-convicts to motivate companies.
To sum up
, due to
corporal punishment, and could not be able to work as normal individuals they committed crimes
again when they were discharged. However
, providing education, or a
pathway job support from the Correct article usage
apply
government
is also
a game changing
as to stop them from committing Add a hyphen
game-changing
crimes
.Submitted by sunnyrogle22 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure throughout. While the main points are present, the flow between them can be improved by better transitioning and more explicit linking of ideas. Aim to guide the reader through your argumentation more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and perform their functions adequately; however, they could be enhanced by stating your main points more distinctly and summarising your arguments more concisely, especially in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but the support could be strengthened by using a wider range of examples and by giving more detailed explanations. Aim to develop each point further with richer examples and more comprehensive analysis.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task adequately, covering both why offenders may re-offend and potential solutions to the problem. Ensure that every part of the question is fully answered to achieve a higher score.
task achievement
The ideas provided are clear, but their expression can be made more comprehensive with deeper elaboration and by connecting them directly back to the question throughout the essay.
task achievement
Relevant examples are given, but specificity could be enhanced. Offering more detailed examples and statistics, or citing real-world scenarios can make your argument more persuasive and your essay stronger.
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