IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In
this
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 modern world, it is true that crimes have risen all over the world. There are many offenders committing crimes once they are released from prison. The cause of
this
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 might be a lack of psychological
support
Use synonyms
 during imprisonment or an inability to obtain employment, potentially leading to re-offending.
However
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, the problems are solvable, and there is a potential solution to prevent the situation. One of the main reasons for reoffending might be a lack of psychological
support
Use synonyms
 when they are imprisoned, which limits their ability to change.
For example
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, during their sentence, with the pressure of the charges and a harsh environment, they may lose their mental capability. Another reason for re-offending is an inability to obtain employment, leaving them with limited options.
As a result
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, they may return to crime as a means of survival or
due to
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 peer influence from their previous criminal circles. Fortunately, there are some solutions to eliminate
this
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 problem very effectively.
Firstly
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 should implement education programs in jail to educate prisoners and give them an opportunity to be able to study
while
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 they are in prison, including providing official qualifications
such
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 as a diploma, or bachelor’s degree.
Secondly
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, the
government
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 should
support
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 companies to help offenders with job pathways.
For instance
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 could subsidise companies to employ ex-convicts to motivate their decisions.
To sum up
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, there are clear reasons why people re-offend when they enter back into society, with a lack of education and limited job prospects being two of these.
However
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, providing education, or pathway job
support
Use synonyms
 from the
government
Use synonyms
 is a potential game-changer in stopping them from committing crimes.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points more clearly and powerfully. Specific real-life examples can enhance the arguments presented in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use varying transition phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your writing. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Although you have identified key issues and solutions, providing a bit more detailed explanation on how these solutions would be implemented could strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic and provides a good overview of the issues and potential solutions.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay, with clear paragraphs that discuss different points, which aids readability.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation programs
  • economic hardship
  • employment opportunities
  • social stigma
  • discrimination
  • psychological issues
  • mental health problems
  • substance abuse
  • negative peer influence
  • incarceration
  • offenders
  • ex-convicts
  • recidivist
  • penal system
  • preventative measures
  • re-offend
  • criminal justice system
  • reintegration strategies
What to do next:
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