IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely succesfull at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #succesfull #attention
There have been conflicting views regarding the effects of advertising for a long time. Whilst some
people
 think that we are not affected by advertisements anymore because of their prevalence, others think that it is a highly effective method to make us buy things which I
also
 definitely agree with.
This
 essay will discuss both sides. Today, advertising content is everywhere. On the roads, in our social media accounts
such
 as Instagram and YouTube, TV and all around internet-accessible platforms. It is so common that
people
 start thinking
like
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we are not affected by it anymore. Because they got so bored with the content’s similarity and seeing them everywhere, they feel like advertisements lost their
appealness
Correct your spelling
appeal
.
For instance
, when I first started using Instagram there were a lot of influencers trying to
pursue
Verb problem
persuade
show examples
 us to buy goods.
Due to
this
 situation, I stopped following these
people
 and believed that I would no longer buy what they offered.
However
, even though we think that we are not affected, our subconscious takes all their messages. With today’s advanced knowledge of psychology, we do not even realize what the advertisement is. There are lots of strategies many companies use for a long time
such
 as neuromarketing.
For instance
, Camel, the cigarette brand, made agreements with lots of pubs, cafes and restaurants to put a camel symbol on their tables in order to create familiarity
while
people
 decide which smoking brand are they gonna buy. With
this
 strategy, their profit went up 35% per year. In conclusion, whilst some
people
 believe advertisements are so common that we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
no longer affect them, others believe that they are so successful in making us buy things. In my opinion,
although
 we reject it, we are still under their influence with their unknown methods.
Submitted by asik.melliss on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the essay's coherence and cohesion, aim to improve the logical structure by organizing ideas more systematically from paragraph to paragraph, ensuring clear connections and transitions. It's also beneficial to include a more varied range of cohesive devices beyond just simple connectors.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents a complete response with a clear personal opinion. Enhance task achievement by developing ideas more thoroughly, expanding on the analysis, and reflecting on both views equally, providing supporting examples for each.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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