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Band 6.5

Some people say that being older in this modern world is entirely bad, while others think that people's lives nowadays is much better than in the past. Discuss both of view

#people #world #lives
While
 some hold the idea that becoming older is backward in these days and ages, others believe there are upsides to getting ageing compared to the past.
This
 essay will discuss both two notions and figure out factors differing them. On the one hand, living in an era of modern societies helps elderly people live healthier and longer.
Firstly
, thanks to advancements in healthcare
such
 as implementing cutting-edge technology in surgeries or medical breakthroughs improve precision and patient outcomes. It means that older individuals find it more convenient as they can access better and improved public health measures contributing to increased
life
 expectancy and reduced mortality rates, resulting in enhanced quality of
life
.
For example
,
according to
 My Elder Press, Japanese
life
 expectancy has risen by 2% since Japan applied assistant robots to take
care
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older people.
On the other hand
, getting old puts societies under pressure related to assistance resources and prevents them from job opportunities. When the
life
 expectancy becomes longer, it causes concerns having to do with the sustainability of social security systems and healthcare infrastructure to support an ageing population.
Consequently
, resources and needs to provide adequate
care
 and support for older individuals pose challenges for societies.
For instance
, there are about 90% of the older community in Vietnam
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a poor living standard
due to
 the lack of funding
that is
 raised to improve machines used to take
care
 of the elderly. In conclusion,
although
 being old in
this
 modern world gives older people great chances to access a better
life
, it
also
 creates concerns about
care
 resources.
Submitted by nguyenmysam722001 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and expand on each point with more varied sentence structures to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
When discussing both views, ensure that the ideas are balanced and that you clearly address how they relate to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better organize the essay and guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. The essay should directly respond to the question given and cover both sides of the argument comprehensively.
task achievement
Give clear and comprehensive ideas by developing your points thoroughly and providing in-depth analysis. Support your arguments with clear reasoning and elaborate upon the implications or consequences related to the topic.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your claims. Ensure these examples are directly linked to the arguments you're making and are clearly explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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