IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
People
 working their whole
life
 within one
company
 is, for many
people
, the preferred career path,
whereas
 others believe that it is better to change organisations more frequently. In fact,
people
 staying with an organisation their whole
life
 allows them to gain in-depth knowledge about the processes and the structure of that firm.
Similarly
, it allows them to strengthen their cohesion with the other employees.
Furthermore
, with the possibility of changing between departments within the same
company
, becoming a jack of all trades will add to the value of the employee.
For example
, software engineers who have worked throughout their whole lives in the same
company
 on hundreds of projects have built up tremendous experience, which is indispensable for the
company
.
However
, many
people
 believe that changing their employer more regularly gives them certain advantages,
for instance
, career growth and experience.
In addition
, many companies are actively hiring
people
 from other organisations to get the expertise gained from their former employers. Changing jobs
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 often can have a negative impact on the impression given to the interviewer
while
 applying for vacant positions by being labelled as a job hopper.
People
 working their whole
life
 for multiple organizations tend
also
 to switch industries more likely than others.
Nevertheless
, changing jobs frequently can boost your career,
while
 staying with a
company
 your whole
life
 ensures
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
more stable employment. I personally prefer to have
long time
Add a hyphen
long-time
show examples
 employees in my teams as
this
 increases the total experience and contributes to a stable team.
Submitted by woigl on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay that is consistently maintained and concluded. The position in the essay seems to shift slightly in the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively across the essay. Some more complex structures could help to better link main points.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples to support your arguments. The examples given are quite general. Refer to specific situations, data, or research when possible.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened with clearer thesis statements and summaries of the points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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