IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cities of the world, cars are repalcing bicycles. However, in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments. In your opinion, which one is better?

#cities #world #cars #bicycles #two #developments
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It is argued that several urban areas are using
cars
instead
 of
bicycles
,
however
, there are some nations which stand on the opposite.
This
 situation stems from
environmental
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
 protection of
bicycles
 or the
car
's luxurious mindset.
This
 essay has a stronger position in riding
bikes
due to
 the
health
 improvement. It is essential to understand that in
this
 day and age, people are choosing
bikes
 over vehicles because of air pollution concerns.
In other words
, exhaust emissions from
cars
 which run
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 oil and coal can do harm to the air.
As a consequence
, it can cause difficulties in respiration for citizens
as well as
 global effects
such
 as climate change and global warming caused by greenhouse gases. Being aware of how awful these results can bring to life, residents now prefer to use eco-friendly transportation like
bikes
 which release zero-carbon to the environment. Take the European countries as an example where there is an increase in cyclist-friendly areas. In another case,
cars
 are likely to be chosen
due to
 the fact that they are considered a symbol of luxury. To explain
further
, in many nations, a
car
 is one of the vital possessions and owning a
car
 means being rich because of the cost and how people saw it for many decades. It may be the true point,
however
, it is hard to travel inside cities
due to
 traffic jams and
car
 bans in some countries. From prior knowledge, in Germany, people are using
bikes
 for more convenient purposes rather than
cars
.
This
 writer believes that,
although
cars
 may have the merit of being more luxurious and spacious,
bicycles
 seem to be a better choice for
health
.
This
 is because of the fact that the fitness residents will have after riding
bikes
 like a type of exercise every day. Meanwhile, riding a bike, can not only be protective of the environment but
also
 beneficial for
health
. Research carried out by universities has shown how riding
bicycles
 can have positive effects on blood pressure, heartbeats, and respiration.
Thus
, the contrast between using
bicycles
 or
cars
 in many places around the world comes from the eco-friendly choice or the symbol of
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
.
Hence
, it should have been shown that
bicycles
 are the prior choice because of
health
 benefits.
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task response
To improve the task response, ensure that each point made in the essay is supported with clear examples or evidence. Make sure to address both aspects of the inquiry explicitly: the reasons for the trends and which one you believe is better.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking devices and phrases to make your argument flow more naturally. While the introduction and conclusion are present, it could help to rephrase some sentences for better readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential components of a well-structured response.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logical and supported with examples which does well to underline the argument.
task response
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, giving reasons for the trends in both directions.
task response
The explanations are clear, and relevant examples are provided to support the claims made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • affluence
  • commuting distances
  • infrastructure
  • rapid growth
  • status symbol
  • environmental concerns
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable
  • liveable environments
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