some children spend hours every day on their smartphones why is this the case do you think this is a positive or a negative development
Nowadays, it is commonly seen that kids use their smartphones for hours
everyday
. Replace the word
every day
While
other
believe that there are some advantages, I believe that Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
is a negative development.
On one hand, smartphones make children’s life
easier because they can access information whenever and wherever through Fix the agreement mistake
lives
over the top
applications Add a hyphen
over-the-top
such
as Instagram or Tiktok
. Correct your spelling
TikTok
This
benefit allow
them to connect and communicate with other people, sharing their interest anytime and anywhere. Change the verb form
allows
In addition
,children also
can play various online games to broaden their creativity. Those of
benefits encourage children to Change preposition
apply
standby
on their smartphones for hours.
On Verb problem
stand
other
hand, smartphone usage causes a lack of activity that leads to some serious health problems. Correct article usage
the other
For instance
, sitting too much makes
some diseases Verb problem
causes
such
as obesity. Furthermore
, consuming contents
on social media could generate serious mental health. Children tend to compare their Fix the agreement mistake
content
life
to their friends or influencers on social media, which has become one of the biggest modern Fix the agreement mistake
lives
issue
.
Change to a plural noun
issues
To conclude
, although
this
issue has both positive and negative impacts on kids, from my point of view, the positive impacts still could not outweigh the negative impacts. Parents should take an
action to reduce the amount of hours spent Correct article usage
apply
for
using Change preposition
apply
smartphone
so that the Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
drawback
could be Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
declined
.Verb problem
reduced
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and logical organization of ideas throughout the essay. Use appropriate linking words and cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly defined. Work on creating a strong thesis statement that clearly states your position on the topic, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While some main points are supported, others could be developed further. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments and make your claims more persuasive.
task achievement
Make sure you fully address all parts of the task. It seems you have not exhaustively discussed the reasons why children spend hours on their smartphones, as well as the positive sides of this development.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but to achieve a higher score, further develop your arguments to make your response more comprehensive. Expanding on your ideas will add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Relevant examples are crucial to demonstrate clear understanding of the topic. Providing specific examples to support each point would enhance your essay, but ensure that the examples are pertinent and clearly linked to your arguments.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.