The Impact of Technology on Education: Is it More Beneficial or Detrimental?

#impact #technology #education

Embracing the 21st century, the proliferation of technological advancements not only equips diverse employers with the tools for remote operations but

also

facilitates e-learning for the younger generation. From my perspective, global citizens are reaping the benefits of these progressive technologies.

To begin

, technological utilization has proven crucial in mitigating the transmission risk of infectious diseases. The absence of physical interaction and direct communication considerably reduces exposure to potential health hazards.

For instance

, amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, Vietnamese authorities implemented an online education policy for all levels of schooling in an attempt to curtail the virus's spread.

This

digital transformation compelled students to engage with platforms

such

as Google Meet or Zoom, exposing them to varied pedagogical methods and multimedia learning.

Consequently

, the infection rate amongst Vietnamese adolescents in 2021 was significantly lower in comparison to the older demographic,

while

academic performance remained consistent.

Furthermore

, the advent of remote working, facilitated by intelligent technologies, offers a viable solution for workers seeking to economize on transportation expenses. Given the finite nature of fossil fuels and escalating fuel taxes, working from home presents a cost-effective alternative.

For instance

, the global population grappled with soaring gas and fuel prices in March 2022, triggered by the Ukraine-Russia conflict.

Hence

, IT professionals and remote workers were at an advantage, circumventing the need for daily

commute

Fix the agreement mistake

commutes

show examples

Additionally

, with the surge in technological and internet accessibility, restaurant patrons can place online orders catering to their preferences.

This

serves a dual purpose— customers' needs are satisfied, and business owners accrue profits from delivery charges. In conclusion, technological innovation endows humanity with a plethora of advantages, including safeguarding against infectious diseases and promoting economical transportation alternatives.

Submitted by asllchkied on Wed Nov 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

Consider reorganizing your essay with clearer logical progression between ideas. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion need to be clearer in encapsulating the main points and tying the essay together. Rework these for a more impactful opening and closing.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen your main points by expanding on how technology affects education specifically, rather than diverging to topics such as remote work and online ordering in restaurants.

task achievement

Ensure you address all parts of the task prompt, which includes discussing both beneficial and detrimental impacts of technology on education. Your response is incomplete as it focuses only on the positives.

task achievement

The ideas presented are clear but could be more comprehensive by including a discussion of possible drawbacks of technology in education to provide a balanced view.

task achievement

Your examples are relevant but tend to veer away from the central topic of education. Include more specific education-related examples to strengthen your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The Impact of Technology on Education: Is it More Beneficial or Detrimental?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others.

Some countries have implemented mandatory community service programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages of this for young people?

Nowadays computer education is compulsory for learners in most schools. Do you think it is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their day interaction with technology everywhere? Discuss both and give your opinion.