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Band 6.5

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or the military. Others think women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #men #job #police
There has been a discussion about whether
women
 should be treated equally like
men
 in military
jobs
. The writer argues that they should have equal rights
due to
 the support for
men
's weakness and gender equality despite those who believe that
women
 are not strong enough. It must be understood that
women
 will make up for the area that
men
 lack.
In other words
, the
jobs
 of law enforcement and the military consist of various types of departments
such
 as giving advice or medical.
Although
men
 can do that work, it is still more effective when having the help of
women
 since now they can reduce the workload and focus the
men
 on more physical
jobs
while
women
 are more empathetic and careful can handle aforementioned
jobs
.
However
, some people believe that the shortage of physical abilities makes
women
 less suitable for the roles of law enforcement and military
jobs
. Simply put,
women
 were born naturally weaker than
men
while
such
 types of
jobs
 require a lot of strength and endurance to work for long hours so most
women
 cannot catch up with these
jobs
.
This
 may be true but by taking part in training programs,
women
 now are qualified for the
jobs
 and can do them
as well as
men
.
This
 is the writer's opinion that
women
 should have the same opportunities as
men
 because of the principle of equal rights.
That is
 to say, in modern societies that value equality and non-discrimination, denying the
women
 right to pursue careers in these fields is seen as unjust and outdated since
women
 have proven their capabilities in various roles traditionally dominated by
men
, demonstrating that they can perform equally well.
For example
, a Russian woman called Mariya drove a tank in World War II and was promoted to the rank of sergeant. In conclusion,
although
 it is undeniable that
women
 are weaker than
men
, people should give
women
 an equal chance because they support
men
 with their weaknesses and
due to
 equality rights.
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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are well-supported with specific examples, not just one example towards the end.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas more smoothly between paragraphs and within them to make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction could provide a bit more background or context for the discussion. It currently dives straight into the points.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear opinion and addresses both views of the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a clear stance, which strengthens the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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