IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

International tourism has led to an huge increase in the number of visitors to many historical sites around the world. To what extent is this a positive or negative phenomenon.

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The number of foreign tourists visiting historical places is increasing worldwide.
This
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 essay thinks
that is
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 a completely positive development because it helps with the cultural preservation of
one
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's country and creates employment opportunities.
To begin
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 with,
one
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 of the most significant benefits of foreign nationalities visiting historical places is that it contributes to the preservation of culture. Receiving appreciation from other people helps the country's heritage and traditions alive. The nation can feel that its history is recognized and they are
valuable
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a valuable
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 part of the world.
For instance
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,
one
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 of the most visited tourist spots in the Philippines is the World War II Museum in Bataan which showcases the memorabilia of the war.
That is
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 to say, international tourism shows that the sacrifices of people and soldiers during the tragic event are not forgotten.
In addition
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 to that, it
also
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 creates job opportunities , especially for the local community. International visitors are in need of accommodation, transportation, a place to eat and a tourist guide. Locals can serve as tour guides or drivers to them or they can even turn their homes into hostels.
For instance
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, most people are now using Airbnb for accommodation. Visitors rent their homes for a few days.
As a result
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, most Airbnb hosts have generated income more than their monthly salary.
Thus
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, locals can earn money in many ways by means of international tourism. In conclusion, the interests of foreign nationals in historical places have a significant impact on
one
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's country.
Hence
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, I believe it is a positive development because it not only helps with cultural preservation,
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also
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but also
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 improves the employment rate of the nation.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea you will discuss in that paragraph, enhancing coherence.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed examples. While you've provided general instances, adding more specific details or statistics could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Consider discussing potential downsides even if you believe the phenomenon is positive to provide a more balanced argument and fulfill the task more completely.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve cohesion, make better use of linking words and phrases to indicate the relationship between your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure that you fully address the question by discussing to what extent this development is positive or negative, even if your view leans heavily towards positive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourism industry
  • heritage sites
  • economic boost
  • cultural heritage
  • preservation efforts
  • environmental impact
  • sustainable tourism
  • overcrowding
  • commercialization
  • local economy
  • cultural exchange
  • authentic experiences
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