Buying things on the internet such as book, air ticket and groceries is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages.

The development of buying books, tickets, and groceries has become popular because now everybody has access to the net.

Although

there are several debates and discussions of the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping, I believe the advantages would still outweigh the disadvantages. There are two main negative

effects

of online shopping. The first problem is our identities could be compromised.

Moreover

, Many websites do not have multiple protection against viruses and hackers,

this

could lead to fatal damages if our name and bank account are spread by someone irresponsible.

For instance

, many sites prefer transactions with credit cards. Even though credit cards have multiple security steps, it is still vulnerable to attacks.

Besides

a personal information issue, there is one more concern which is it could create bad habits. We would like to buy

things

we do not actually need.

For instance

, we feel must have a new phone though our phone is still doing great. These are two bad

effects

of buying

things

online.

On the other hand

, there are many positive

effects

of online shopping. The greatest one is we could act quicker than before.

This

possibly happens because the system is going 24 hours. For illustration, we could get a book we urgently need in the early morning and the package will arrive on the same day.

Furthermore

, Another pro of shopping online is many groceries are cheaper with online methods rather than offline.

This

situation results because the supplier does not need to pay the rent. For the sample case, the vegetable supplier could sell their goods from home so they can lower the price. These are two good

effects

of selling

things

online. In conclusion, there are many good and bad aspects of shopping

things

online.

However

, I still remain constant with my stand that online transactions will give more benefits than its drawbacks.

Submitted by aulia.abdillah.ramadhan on Wed Nov 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the examples used should directly support that main idea. Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to guide the reader more effectively through your argument.

task achievement

When addressing the task, it's important to present a balanced discussion that covers both advantages and disadvantages fully. Make sure that your examples are directly relevant and illustrate the points you're making clearly. The response needs to extend and support points more thoroughly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

310 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Buying things on the internet such as book, air ticket and groceries is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

University students are increasingly studying aboard as part of their studies. Do the advantages of studying aboard outweigh the disadvantages?

The best way to solve the traffic congestion in the city is to provide free public transport for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?