IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employees #work #home #technology #change #benefit #workers #employers
Nowadays, there has been a steady increase in the number of people who can do their work at home, thanks to the advance of modern technology.
However
, some people hold the view that
this
 trend is only beneficial for staff, not for bosses. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
 view. I firmly think telecommuting is good for employees. One main reason in favour of
this
 opinion is that it can help to improve inferiors' job satisfaction.
That is
 because if they work at home, they can arrange their time more flexibly
according to
 their own habits or
familia specific
Correct your spelling
family-specific
 conditions.
For example
, it is no longer necessary for a worker who may have high efficiency and is inclined to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 at midnight to appear in the workplace at 8.30am.
Besides
, the change of working spots is conducive to
aiding
Verb problem
helping
show examples
 workers
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance of work and family. The reason is obvious -- they, especially those in metropolises, do not need to spend several hours on public transport, which can indeed assist them
to save
Change preposition
in saving
show examples
 not only time but
also
 energy, used to share housework and accompany families.
On the other hand
,
this
 alteration
also
 has positive influences on employers, in my view. One apparent merit is that the cost of rent will be cut, which is often an enormous monthly spending for a company. So entrepreneurs can make use of
this
 part of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 to develop new products or improve their service. In conclusion, I argue that working at home exerts beneficial and profound effects on both employees and employers, enhancing the well-being of the former and reducing
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 burden of the latter.
Nevertheless
, superiors should organise some offline conferences or parties for staff to interact and communicate with each other face to face and
this
 can deepen employees' understanding and promote their coordination.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement suggestion
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
improvement suggestion
Ensure that your conclusion ties back to the essay question directly to reinforce your position.
improvement suggestion
Try varying sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
organizational strength
Clear organization with a strong introduction and conclusion.
argument strength
Balanced viewpoint presented, addressing both sides of the argument.
cohesion strength
Use of cohesive devices to link ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!