Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. Others, however, think this world have little effect on overall health and that other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
A healthy body is vital for every child because it lays the very foundation for all possible growth opportunities in the future.
Therefore
improvement of their physique is required, conducting it in every way feasible. However
, an argument holds that it is almost ineffective to mandate physical education in schools . , compared with other approaches, I firmly believe that this
very lesson should be done as it brings advantages indeed.
First and foremost, it makes one thing to be certain, which is that adolescents are guaranteed to have the time
for body exercises. Time
is everything, coaches have days to teach them on the field and students now can dedicate their hour
to the playground . Fix the agreement mistake
hours
Thus
regardless of their gender, race, or socioeconomic family condition, everyone now has the chance and time
to focus on sports. Although
other methods out there might probably provide flexibility on schedule and location, nobody could tell for certain that that child is willing and/or has a moment to go for that.
In addition
, it can help everyone to establish suitable and long-term sporting habits. Tuition is arranged and designed systemically and scientifically. Each type of item is introduced in class and the performance duration or density is carefully considered. Such
width of spectrum and caring
on is less possibly obtained somewhere else, though some commercial organizations may be better on the depth of one particular expertise. Yet on campus, as time
goes by, one person will gradually find out his favourite or most proper kind and develop it into a life-long habit, such
as playing tennis, or jogging.
In summary, I am aware that there are some limitations of school physical education in contrast
with others. The overall
benefits of making it compulsory definitely outweigh its shortcomings. Furthermore
, in the long run, early childhood physical learning contributes a lot for the years to come.Submitted by davidyangjc on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay does show some organization but it falls short of demonstrating a fully coherent logical structure. Ideas are somewhat disconnected and paragraphs lack clear and well-constructed topic sentences. To improve, it is important to create a clear paragraph structure with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
It is noticeable that you have written an introduction and a conclusion. However, they both require more development. The introduction should more clearly paraphrase the prompt and outline the main points that will be covered. The conclusion should succinctly summarize these points and restate your opinion, which your current conclusion does not do explicitly.
task achievement
Your main ideas are there, but they need to be more fully developed for a high score. Each paragraph should present a single clear idea that is directly related to the essay question. Expand on your ideas by providing more details, explanations, and examples.
task achievement
The essay falls short of providing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the response. To achieve better clarity, ensure that each paragraph's main point is clearly stated at the beginning and that every sentence thereafter helps to explain or exemplify that main point.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is limited in your essay. To strengthen your argument, incorporate real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios that concretely demonstrate your points. This helps the reader understand and relate to your ideas on a deeper level.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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