IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is a good trend, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#companies #sponsor #sports #people #trend
Some employers use
sports
 as a method of advertisement to enhance their sales.
While
 some believe it is a positive practice, others argue that there are drawbacks to
such
 activities.
Although
companies
' sponsorships can strengthen the
sports
 industry by investing money, I believe some of these
companies
 manipulate narratives to suit their agenda and deceive people. On the one hand, when
companies
 sponsor
athletes
, they provide them with financial support and offer the best equipment and training facilities.
This
 sponsorship
also
 ensures that event venues are safer and more suitable for both
athletes
 and spectators, thanks to the
companies
' investment, which ultimately boosts the
sports
 industry and attracts
further
 capital investment.
For example
, the Nike
sports
 company now has more than 1,000 stores around the world
as a result
 of its sponsorship activities.
While
this
 seems beneficial, I believe
this
 action has negative impacts on society.
On the other hand
, some
companies
 market their
products
 in a deceptive way. By using famous
athletes
, they highlight only the positive aspects of their
products
while
 concealing flaws, which can mislead the public. Since many people are strongly influenced by these
athletes
, they may purchase
products
 without question.
For instance
, an electronics company sponsored the Iraqi national team’s uniforms.
After
this
, many Iraqis bought the company's
products
, only to later discover that these items were highly energy-intensive. In conclusion,
while
 some
companies
 rely on
sports
 to promote their
products
, which can increase revenue for the
sports
 industry, I believe several
companies
 exploit
this
 opportunity to influence consumers to buy their
products
, even if they are of substandard quality.
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task response
Your essay does a great job of introducing and concluding the topic. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and your opinion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points. However, try to elaborate a bit more on the specific disadvantages and benefits brought up for a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, which makes it easy to follow. Each body paragraph presents a clear point of view and supports it with relevant examples. To improve further, ensure that the transitions between points are more fluid to maintain the reader's engagement.
task response
Your essay contains comprehensive ideas and addresses the prompt well. Make sure each example you include is strongly relevant to your point to increase its effectiveness. This will deepen your arguments and provide a stronger task response.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both strong, framing your argument succinctly and effectively.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear structure and uses paragraphs effectively to separate different points.
supported main points
The examples provided in the body paragraphs are relevant and help illustrate your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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