IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think most crime is the result of circumstances. Otthers believes that most crime is cused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 say
series
Correct article usage
a series
show examples
 of conditions is the reason behind most crime. others
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
 of some
people
Use synonyms
 is the result of most crimes. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the
caused
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 behind
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the majority of the crimes and I will provide my point of view. One of the major
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of crime is parenting.
This
Linking Words
 is because parenting will build and shape the personality of a person,
this
Linking Words
 is not only
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
but also
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
school
Change noun form
school's
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible
to teach
Change preposition
for teaching
show examples
 and
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 their children at home, but most of the kids
time
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 with their teachers and friends. To illustrate,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, children
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 have
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 at home, because they are busy
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their work most of the
time
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
will lead
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 their kids to go out and meet with bad
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, during
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high
Use synonyms
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
 I met and
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 a lot of friends, and I
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 some of my friends
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changing over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, at first they
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 smoking
then
Linking Words
 they
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drinking alcohol
then
Linking Words
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
start
Add the particle
start to
show examples
 avoid coming to
school
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because their
parents
Use synonyms
 did not give
enough
Correct pronoun usage
them enough
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some think there is bad
nature
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because when someone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a
criminial
Correct your spelling
criminal
 record and some members of his family or if he or she
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the same
nationalitiy
Correct your spelling
nationality
nationalities
also
Linking Words
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
,
that
Linking Words
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
show examples
this
Linking Words
 family have a bad
nature
Use synonyms
.
For Example
Linking Words
, Pablo
Oscobar
Correct your spelling
Escobar
 what of the biggest drug dealer
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history, many
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colombian
Change the capitalization
Colombian
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are drug dealers or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have no problem
to smoke
Change the verb form
smoking
show examples
 weed or
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a drug,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
but this
show examples
 is not true, because I have a lot of
colombian
Change the capitalization
Colombian
show examples
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
 and they don't like it and they are health
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe nobody porn in
this
Linking Words
 world with bad
nature
Use synonyms
 on them, bad
nature
Use synonyms
 will
acquired
Change the verb form
be acquired
acquire
show examples
 over the years,
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 a series of circumstances
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 criminal
people
Use synonyms
gains
Change the verb form
gain
show examples
 their criminality from
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 series
fo
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 life conditions, others believe it is some
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
. I believe some
people
Use synonyms
gains
Change the verb form
gain
show examples
 crime from
school
Use synonyms
 and
neglection
Replace the word
neglect
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, supported by explanations or examples.
development
Your ideas need to be more thoroughly developed. Aim to explain and substantiate your points with specific examples. Vague or generic statements can detract from the overall quality of your essay. Additionally, watch for topic sentences that introduce the subject clearly at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence
Pay attention to the coherence of your essay. Transition words and phrases should be used to guide the reader through your argument. This helps to link ideas within and between paragraphs, providing a seamless reading experience.
task response
Your response should address all parts of the prompt. It is important to cover all views presented in the question and to provide a clear, well-elaborated opinion of your own.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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