IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems? What measures can be used to solve these problems?

The movement of
people
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 from rural
areas
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 to urban
areas
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 to work can cause some serious issues in both places.
Firstly
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,
this
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 essay will discuss the
problems
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 of
this
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 action and
then
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 it will explain some reasons. On the one hand, because of the lack of workplaces,
people
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 believe that in the city it is easy to find a job, but they do not think about some rigorous
problems
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. The government makes a profit from agricultural
areas
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 with the help of
people
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 from these
areas
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. If they move, these spaces will be empty and useless.
In addition
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, getting some fruits and vegetables will be difficult for everyone, so it will increase the lack of food.
For example
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, in Africa, the population cannot create their own agriculture because of the land, and that’s why their
people
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 are famined.
On the other hand
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, the government can suggest some solutions,
such
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 as new workplaces in rural
areas
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. It will help young
people
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 get jobs easier.
Nevertheless
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, they can give a higher salary to
people
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 who are interested in growing and planting. We need to offer a new law about these
people
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, which will give them new opportunities to make a good living.
For example
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,
according to
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 the “Business” journal, in America, the
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people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 working in rural
areas
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 has increased by 70% because of the new workplaces. In conclusion, the movement of
people
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 to the cities can cause some main
problems
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. The government should create new opportunities in agricultural
areas
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 for
people
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 to solve these
problems
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.

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task achievement
Try to further develop points with more specific examples or data to increase the essay's depth and richness.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, clarify what the 'reasons' are after discussing the problems to make it clearer for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You've identified specific problems and proposed solutions, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
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