In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #people #age #adult #punishment

Nowadays, the number of

crimes

is still increasing and the percentage of

teenagers

who are involved is

also

rising. Certain

people

think that

teenagers

Replace the word

teenage

show examples

criminals who commit heavy

crimes

should be sent to

jailalong

Correct your spelling

jail along

with

adult

people

and receive the same punishment.

This

essay will shed light on

this

situation and put forward my opinion that I keep neutral views about

this

statement. There are several reasons why some

people

think that

people

should send

teenagers

jail

and enjoy the same treatment as adults.

Firstly

this

law

can ensure community safety, if some

teenagers

make the mistake of breaking the

law

, and can warn other

people

who want to commit major

crimes

Secondly

according to

some popular humanity projects when those

people

get involved in some heavy

crimes

Add a comma

crimes,

show examples

it is because they keep away from school education and their parents teach for

along

Correct your spelling

a long

show examples

time, they come into contact with some bad

people

when they are too young to realise which will cause them to mature too early and

then

they will end up in

jail

repeatedly.

For instance

, some

people

need to survive but they don’t have any jobs or

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

to support them,

they

Correct word choice

and they

show examples

only steal other

people

's valuable stuff,

also

this

issue can cause

people

to hurt others or cause social instability,

this

is not something that normal

teenagers

can usually do.

On the other hand

, solving any problem should consider each point and not be extremes,

this

situation is no different.

For example

, some

teenagers

are only breaking the

law

for the first time, they have just left home and school, if they are sent to the

adult

jail

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

place only has manual

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

and the criminals

also

can affect young

people

's minds. When they end the time, they will continue to make mistakes. There are some projects that if the government gives young

people

some mental intervention and sends them to the

teenager’s

Change noun form

teenager

show examples

jail

, rather than an

adult

jail

, when they first break the

law

this

situation can effectively make

teenagers

not make mistakes. In conclusion, though I agree

with

Change preposition

that

show examples

sending

teenagers

adult

jail

receive

Correct subject-verb agreement

receives

show examples

the same punishments, I

also

think when young

people

break the

law

, the court cannot first think about sending them to

jail

, they should observe whether those

people

can correct their mistakes.

Submitted by ur790609922 on Wed Nov 29 2023

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task response

You maintained a discussion regarding both views, which is positive. However, your position is not clearly stated. A clear opinion must be presented, especially when the question directly asks for the extent of your agreement.

task response

Ensure your essay presents a balanced view but also highlights your own stance more emphatically to fulfill task requirements.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. Make sure every paragraph has a clear central idea, ideally in the first or second sentence.

coherence and cohesion

Work on the logical flow of ideas. Some sentences appear disjointed due to awkward phrasing.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your points. This strengthens the argument and aids in achieving a higher score for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

385 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

juvenile delinquency
criminal behavior
rehabilitation
recidivism
adolescent development
retribution
impulse control
the justice system
societal influences
environmental factors
juvenile justice
punitive measures
adult incarceration
youth crime
reformative programs
deterrence
mitigating circumstances
restorative justice
correctional facilities
peer pressure

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In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

As global trade increases, many goods, even some daily goods, are exported to another country, which includes long-distance transport during shipping. Do you think its benefits outweigh its drawbacks?

Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?l

It is sometimes suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Do you think advantage of this outweigh the disadvantage?

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in arts?