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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe, that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Several individuals believe that toddlers can learn from their
parents
Use synonyms
 how to be an appropriate person in society;
however
Linking Words
, few of them think educational institutions are the best place to acquire
this
Linking Words
 knowledge.
Additionally
Linking Words
, forbearers and institutions play a vital role in teenagers' lives to become good individuals in the community.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that
this
Linking Words
 duty should be filled primarily by guardians. To commence, to be superior in the culture, kids should acquire knowledge from their originator. One piece of evidence for
this
Linking Words
 is they(progenitors) are called the first teachers, and from their very childhood, infants improve their knowledge by the guardians' guidelines. First of all, as the blood of the forebearers flows through the body of the child, no one else in the world cares for them as much as their progenitors.
Likewise
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, without the help of an originator, a child can not be a proper human being.
Conversely
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 undoubtedly play an extremely significant role in giving their juveniles proper shape in the nation;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, to make them future leaders in our world, they need to learn more, and they get it from their teachers in school. The primary example that shows if they want to be sharper inhabitants of their atmosphere, they need to learn from a person who is a specialist in that field.
Moreover
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, a specialist can know the pros and cons and conduct them very efficiently.
Thereupon
Linking Words
, the public realizes that educational institutions like academies, colleges, and universities are the best option for making stunning humankind. In conclusion, the debate centres on whether
parents
Use synonyms
 or departments should be responsible for teaching children how to be good members of society. On top of that, both(
parents
Use synonyms
 and schools) play a vital role;
parents
Use synonyms
 nurture their children to become the world's best citizens compared to school.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear logical structure. For coherence and cohesion, the use of linking words and phrases can help the reader follow your ideas more easily. Ensure that your paragraphs are organized and flow logically from one to the next. Your essay shows some use of cohesive devices, but there is room for improvement to create a more seamless connection between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more concise and effective. Your conclusion, in particular, should clearly summarize the key points made in the essay without introducing new information. Additionally, your introduction could better preview the structure of the essay to guide readers through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but you should aim to provide clear and specific examples or evidence to back up your statements. This will make your arguments more convincing and give your essay greater depth. Avoid generalizations and aim for specific, detailed illustrations of your points.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but make sure to cover all parts of the question. Your essay should have a balanced discussion of both views and a clear opinion. Ensure that you provide a complete response to the prompt by discussing the role of both parents and schools in teaching children to be good members of society.
task achievement
Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. You should ensure that each paragraph contains a central idea that is developed and expanded upon, rather than listing multiple points that are not fully explored. Work on clarity of expression, as some phrases and sentences are confusing or incorrectly structured.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Your essay would benefit from drawing on concrete instances or studies that demonstrate the impact of parental guidance or school education on children's societal behaviour. Such examples add credibility to your arguments and make your writing more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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