Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home

For the past couple of years, thanks to advances in technology, the

students

’ cultivation of

knowledge

has become far more convenient. Some people eventually believe that young learners can gain

knowledge

online at home without going to

school

. In my opinion,

although

students

can take numerous advantage of the

Internet

, schools are still indispensable. Traditional learning presents several outstanding benefits

such

as enhancing social interaction and orienting future careers which are never

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

superseded by online learning.

First,

while

it is true that

knowledge

can be accumulated at

school

or through the

Internet

, practical

skills

are believed to be better developed at

school

where

students

can have a strong social connection with others.

Due to

interacting processes both in verbal and non-verbal ways,

children

can improve their communication

skills

, interpersonal

skills

, or problem-solving

skills

, … which are essential to their later future.

Furthermore

, it is necessary for youngsters to be involved in career orientation

while

they are still young so that they will not lose their direction during study time. In

this

case, the schooling method outweighs online training because it should be face-to-face conducted by professors or lecturers at

school

On the other hand

, self-studying online at home has a lot of drawbacks that may result in bad learning performance for

students

. First and foremost, online learning requires intensive self-discipline and self-direction which can be tough for

children

while

they are still young.

Children

are computer literate but easy to lose their concentration

while

studying as well without the control of parents.

In addition

, the lack of directions and guidance from the teacher

also

gets them into trouble time at home when they are not able to plan their own study syllabus. Another negative aspect of online learning is

children

can become over-reliant on computers and the

internet

while

learning is the process of cultivating

knowledge

from different sources.

This

may lead to the misunderstanding of the definition of studying as just collecting information and not putting it into a practical world. In conclusion,

while

students

can boost their studies by using the

Internet

, schools still play a detrimental role in our society.

Submitted by hoangminhtri127 on Wed Nov 29 2023

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task achievement

Make sure the topic sentence in each paragraph clearly states the main idea, which should then be elaborated upon with specific examples and further discussion.

coherence cohesion

Transition words and phrases should be utilized to create a better flow between ideas. While some transitions were used well, there could be improvement in connecting sentences within paragraphs for enhanced coherence.

coherence cohesion

To attain a higher band, consider varying your sentence structures more frequently to display linguistic range and ensure seamless readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

354 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that men and ươmen have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

online shopping seems to be replacing the traditional method of buying. however some buyers are sceptical to this practice. discuss both benefits and risks associated with online shopping

"Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. Others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to pay for their education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

Many people think that home cooked food is healthy, but many people still prefer eating out. Why is this so? Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.