Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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For the past couple of years, thanks to advances in technology, the
students
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’ cultivation of
knowledge
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has become far more convenient. Some people eventually believe that young learners can gain
knowledge
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online at home without going to
school
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. In my opinion,
although
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students
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can take numerous advantage of the
Internet
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, schools are still indispensable. Traditional learning presents several outstanding benefits
such
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as enhancing social interaction and orienting future careers which are never
be
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apply
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superseded by online learning.
First,
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while
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it is true that
knowledge
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can be accumulated at
school
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or through the
Internet
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, practical
skills
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are believed to be better developed at
school
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where
students
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can have a strong social connection with others.
Due to
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interacting processes both in verbal and non-verbal ways,
children
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can improve their communication
skills
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, interpersonal
skills
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, or problem-solving
skills
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, … which are essential to their later future.
Furthermore
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, it is necessary for youngsters to be involved in career orientation
while
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they are still young so that they will not lose their direction during study time. In
this
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case, the schooling method outweighs online training because it should be face-to-face conducted by professors or lecturers at
school
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.
On the other hand
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, self-studying online at home has a lot of drawbacks that may result in bad learning performance for
students
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. First and foremost, online learning requires intensive self-discipline and self-direction which can be tough for
children
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while
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they are still young.
Children
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are computer literate but easy to lose their concentration
while
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studying as well without the control of parents.
In addition
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, the lack of directions and guidance from the teacher
also
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gets them into trouble time at home when they are not able to plan their own study syllabus. Another negative aspect of online learning is
children
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can become over-reliant on computers and the
internet
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while
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learning is the process of cultivating
knowledge
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from different sources.
This
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may lead to the misunderstanding of the definition of studying as just collecting information and not putting it into a practical world. In conclusion,
while
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students
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can boost their studies by using the
Internet
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, schools still play a detrimental role in our society.
Submitted by hoangminhtri127 on

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task achievement
Make sure the topic sentence in each paragraph clearly states the main idea, which should then be elaborated upon with specific examples and further discussion.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases should be utilized to create a better flow between ideas. While some transitions were used well, there could be improvement in connecting sentences within paragraphs for enhanced coherence.
coherence cohesion
To attain a higher band, consider varying your sentence structures more frequently to display linguistic range and ensure seamless readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
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