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Band 7

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home
For the past couple of years, thanks to advances in technology, the
students
’ cultivation of
knowledge
 has become far more convenient. Some people eventually believe that young learners can gain
knowledge
 online at home without going to
school
. In my opinion,
although
students
 can take numerous advantage of the
Internet
, schools are still indispensable. Traditional learning presents several outstanding benefits
such
 as enhancing social interaction and orienting future careers which are never
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
superseded by online learning.
First,
while
 it is true that
knowledge
 can be accumulated at
school
 or through the
Internet
, practical
skills
 are believed to be better developed at
school
 where
students
 can have a strong social connection with others.
Due to
 interacting processes both in verbal and non-verbal ways,
children
 can improve their communication
skills
, interpersonal
skills
, or problem-solving
skills
, … which are essential to their later future.
Furthermore
, it is necessary for youngsters to be involved in career orientation
while
 they are still young so that they will not lose their direction during study time. In
this
 case, the schooling method outweighs online training because it should be face-to-face conducted by professors or lecturers at
school
.
On the other hand
, self-studying online at home has a lot of drawbacks that may result in bad learning performance for
students
. First and foremost, online learning requires intensive self-discipline and self-direction which can be tough for
children
while
 they are still young.
Children
 are computer literate but easy to lose their concentration
while
 studying as well without the control of parents.
In addition
, the lack of directions and guidance from the teacher
also
 gets them into trouble time at home when they are not able to plan their own study syllabus. Another negative aspect of online learning is
children
 can become over-reliant on computers and the
internet
while
 learning is the process of cultivating
knowledge
 from different sources.
This
 may lead to the misunderstanding of the definition of studying as just collecting information and not putting it into a practical world. In conclusion,
while
students
 can boost their studies by using the
Internet
, schools still play a detrimental role in our society.
Submitted by hoangminhtri127 on

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task achievement
Make sure the topic sentence in each paragraph clearly states the main idea, which should then be elaborated upon with specific examples and further discussion.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases should be utilized to create a better flow between ideas. While some transitions were used well, there could be improvement in connecting sentences within paragraphs for enhanced coherence.
coherence cohesion
To attain a higher band, consider varying your sentence structures more frequently to display linguistic range and ensure seamless readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
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