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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

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Gaining weight and decreasing level of fitness are becoming more widespread in some countries.
This
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 essay will examine the causes related to
this
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 problem
as well as
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 the solutions to improve
people
Use synonyms
’s health. There are a variety of different causes for
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, more and more fast food is sold and
people
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 feel very comfortable to eat. In fact, nowadays fast food shops appear everywhere
such
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 as in school, near the office and in the supermarket It is often delicious and stimulates customers to eat more. Another contributing factor to mention is that youngsters often spend their leisure
time
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 watching TV, using smartphones and relaxing in passive ways;
therefore
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, they don't have
time
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 for physical exercises.
For example
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, as reported by Vietnam Express, 70% of the youth in major cities in Vietnam admitted to having physical activities only once a month. Despite these circumstances, there are several measures that individuals could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
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, an effective solution is that citizens must change their habits to have a suitable diet.
For example
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, 6 months ago my brother was obese because he ate a lot of fast food when he went to work. Since
last
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 month, he has changed his habits. He has more vegetables and fresh fruits now;
as a result
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, he has lost 10kg and he feels extremely comfortable and confident. The second measure would be that
people
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 should exercise more. In fact,
instead
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 of spending leisure
time
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 on devices and technology, they need to manage their
time
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 to go to some sports club
such
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 as badminton or football that will help
people
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 have a high level of fitness. In conclusion, increased weight and decreased level of fitness is a big problem that affects a lot of
people
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 nowadays.
However
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, various measures can be taken to tackle the issue to reduce the impact it is having on the current society.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each main body paragraph has a clear central idea, and that ideas flow logically from one to the next with a mix of complex structures. Avoid unnecessary repetition of phrases.
Task Achievement
It's important to fully address all parts of the task. Provide a detailed explanation of the causes and a wider range of solutions. Each main point should be expanded with well-developed explanations and relevant examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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