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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, a lot of local
people
Use synonyms
 from the villages are moving to the big cities to live and
due to
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this
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reason
Add a comma
reason,
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 the number of communities in
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
 is falling.
Although
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 it will have a positive impact on nature,
people
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 will not be able to enjoy rural life. It may have a good influence on the environment because of the low number of
people
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, which means that the risk of harm the nature decreases.
For example
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, if there are a lot of
people
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, governments will have to get more space, and the trees can be cut by them to clear the area for building new houses.
Therefore
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, it is better to live in the cities, which it is already full of buildings, rather than destroy the only lively and clear place.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, if everybody moves from the countryside to the industrialized cities, it may lead to many arguments between generations.
For example
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, mostly old generation is living in the villages to avoid the modern technologies and noise, which the young generation really enjoys. So if older
people
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 will live with young, they will try to teach teenagers about the past, which may lead to a revolt.
Therefore
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, the older and younger generations should live separately to avoid conflicts. In conclusion, in my point of view, decreasing the number of population in the villages is beneficial. The main reason for
this
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 is that the economic condition of the environment is more important than the conflicts of citizens, which in the end will reconcile.

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task achievement
Consider developing the examples used in your essay further to provide clearer connections to your main points, ensuring they are specific and directly relevant.
coherence cohesion
While your essay presents coherent ideas, work on strengthening the connections between paragraphs and main ideas, which will enhance the logical progression.
coherence cohesion
Provide further explanation in your conclusion to solidify your argument and briefly restate the key points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your discussion on the topic.
task achievement
You have introduced and explained your main ideas with decent clarity, ensuring the reader understands your perspective.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay allows for a reasonable flow of ideas, contributing to an overall cohesive argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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