IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, the population in the countryside has decreased considerably as people who once lived there have relocated to cities.
This
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 trend has resulted in the gradual abandonment of many villages. Local business owners are suffering from a shortage of customers, forcing many of them to close their businesses and move to urban areas in search of better economic opportunities. If
this
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 migration continues, cities are likely to face rising unemployment as the number of job seekers exceeds the available vacancies.
In addition
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, overcrowding may place significant pressure on housing, transportation, healthcare, and other public services.
Therefore
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, governments should make better use of abandoned rural areas by investing in infrastructure and encouraging economic development. The land in rural regions can be utilised for agriculture, including the cultivation of vegetables, fruits, and other crops.
Furthermore
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, developing tourist attractions, amusement parks, and eco-tourism destinations could attract both domestic and international visitors.
Such
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 projects would create thousands of employment opportunities
while
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 generating a stable source of income for local communities and the national economy.
As a result
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, rural residents would have fewer reasons to migrate to cities, helping to reduce urban overcrowding and promote balanced regional development. In the long term, revitalising rural areas would not only improve the quality of life for local people but
also
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 contribute to the country's economic growth and social stability.

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task response
Say your main answer more clearly in the first part. Now, you seem to say it is negative, but this should be very direct.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain both why this change is negative and why your plan for rural areas can help. Some ideas are good, but a bit more detail is needed.
coherence and cohesion
Use a short opening sentence and a short ending sentence. This will make the full essay shape clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear way, but some links are a little long. Try to break long sentences into two parts.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main point only. The first part mixes problem and solution too early.
task response
Your essay has a clear central topic all the way through.
task response
You give good reasons about jobs, housing, and public services in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your second paragraph stays focused on rural development ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'therefore', 'furthermore', and 'as a result' well.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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