IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Virtual reality be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reality #tool #interventions #health #treatments
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Nowadays virtual reality is being used noticeably for mental health issues’ curement. Since
this
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 method has shown a significant effect on
people
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 dealing with their
anxiety
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 and grief, I strongly subscribe to the fact that it plays an efficient role in the clinical process.
To begin
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 with, there are several occasions where the only way a mental health disorder could be treated is to be faced exact situation. To illustrate, consider a person who is significantly scared of an animal, prior to experiencing an enormous amount of
anxiety
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while
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 seeing it. Many psychiatrists assume that the only method that could be implemented to lower his
anxiety
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 would be a harmless exposure, which virtual reality is a great tool for and by having
this
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 interaction, the
anxiety
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 would be accelerated.
Moreover
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, some mental disorders are caused by the absence of an object or a situation. To clarify, a great majority of those who have experienced the loss of their loved ones would be unable to cope with the disappearance of that person.
This
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 occasion would precipitate prevention in the grief recovery process. To cite an example, psychological researchers believe that one
last
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 interaction with a loved one has indicated considerable improvement in healing from loss.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 may claim that
this
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 approach would have an inevitable effect on
people
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 being treated
such
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 as feeling intense
anxiety
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while
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 being exposed to their phobia and being addicted to seeing the dead.
However
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,
due to
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 the fact that every psychological and clinical treatment comes with initial and later levels, it is important to notice that doctors would implement distinct approaches after the intervention to prevent the chance of the inevitable effects.
To conclude
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, with virtual reality treatment being super influential in the process of
people
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 coping with their infirmities, human science would witness numerous advantages in tackling disorders
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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher coherence score, ensure that ideas flow naturally from one to the next with well-utilized paragraphing and a range of cohesive devices. Aim for clarity in connecting concepts and transitions.
coherence cohesion
Provide an introduction and conclusion that clearly establish the context of the essay and summarize the main points succinctly. Each should serve their purpose in guiding the reader into and out of the debate effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and relevant examples. Each example should be elaborated sufficiently to demonstrate the point vividly and persuasively.
task achievement
Your response will be more complete if it fully addresses the question prompt throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph contributes to answering the key question.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in presenting ideas. This means formulating and expressing thoughts in a straightforward and comprehensive manner. Avoid ambiguity or overly complicated sentence structures that could confuse the reader.
task achievement
Incorporate specific and relevant examples and details to support each point. Avoid generalizations and ensure that each example clearly relates to the argument or claim you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive environments
  • anxiety
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • phobia
  • exposure therapy
  • controlled setting
  • desensitization
  • social anxiety
  • stress reduction
  • real-time monitoring
  • therapeutic interventions
  • mental health treatments
  • digital divide
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • innovative solutions
  • face-to-face interactions
  • traditional therapeutic settings
  • gradual confrontation
  • calming environments
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