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Writing Samples
Band 6

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There are some predictions that signs lower the average people's well-being condition, and
this
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 phenomenon is concerning among individuals. Many signs are visible in the current years and the public fears, including
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myself
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that the prediction will become positive in decades. The meals and beverages that consumers encounter every day mostly contain excessive amounts of addictive ingredients,
such
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 as fat, sodium, and sugar.
This
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 nourishment nowadays is a cheaper, instant, and accessible option than foods that contain healthier ingredients like vegetables or fruits. Consumers can buy easily from fast food restaurants or shopping malls in the form of self-rewarding meals or even daily consumption.
However
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, if we consume
this
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 type of foodstuff regularly, we will have diseases that are hard to cure,
such
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 as diabetes or obesity. The World Health Organization presents that
this
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 number of the mentioned cases has skyrocketed in the 21st century.
Furthermore
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, the quality of healthcare shows a decline. Health security, care, and medicines are getting more expensive and outreach to lower-income populations. Hospital bureaucracy is unfriendly and slow, as patients would have to wait for specialist treatment for weeks or months.
Not to mention
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 issues like underpaid workers and understaffed in some of the centres. Regarding
this
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 condition, individuals are opting to take care of themselves rather than seeking professionals, resulting in untreated illness and a higher chance of the symptoms becoming more severe. In conclusion, the food and healthcare quality today will become the main issue regarding people's average age and well-being in the future. The arguments above will deter the improvement of the human development index if we ignore these signs of health deterioration. These are the reflections of the stakeholders that can prevent the situation.

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coherence cohesion
For a more structured response, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly address the prompt, followed by body paragraphs that support your stance with relevant examples and a conclusion that summarises your arguments and restates your viewpoint.
task achievement
While you have made an effort to address the task, you could improve by fully exploring both sides of the argument if choosing to sit on the fence, or providing a more detailed explanation if choosing to agree or disagree. Make sure that your essay directly responds to the prompt by arguing to what extent you agree or disagree throughout.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on transitioning smoothly between ideas and paragraphs by using a range of linking words and phrases. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed with examples, explanations, and discussion that are relevant to the main topic.
task achievement
You should strive to fully develop your main ideas by providing specific examples that support your points. Doing so will demonstrate your ability to discuss ideas in detail and improve the task achievement score of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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