IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In their advertising businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negeztive development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #negeztive #development
Many advertisements these days mostly emphasise what is new
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
products
. In
this
 essay, reasons on
this
 matter and why I think it brings advantages to our society will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons that make advertising businesses focus on new developments
while
 broadcasting their
products
 and one of the most significant is that it is more attractive to audiences. To explain in greater detail, individuals in
this
 contemporary time always tend to endeavour new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
Furthermore
, using
this
 method has enabled those companies to boost their sales and revenue.
For example
, Samsung adverted that their new phone can be able to fold into a rectangular shape and
thus
 citizens, who wanted to try
this
 feature, went and bought it in the first week.
As a result
, the company gained a lot of money from their launching campaign.
On the other hand
, there is a reason why I suppose it offers positive effects to our communities, and the most crucial is marketing competition. To elaborate
further
, companies always find ways to enhance their
products
 to compete with others who are in the same field which in turn leads to new development every year.
Moreover
, the economic growth all around the world rockets up when individuals purchase those goods.
For instance
, Apple
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 always introduces a new iPhone annually makes other competitors
such
 as Oppo, Samsung and Huawei strive to develop their smartphone's features as well.
In addition
, the latest research I read said that the cash flow in the world
inclined
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 a massive 20%
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past decade.
Overall
, it is a fact that advertising businesses usually focus on advertising their
products
 new in some way because it can attract the public attention more easily.
However
, from my viewpoint,
this
 action provides society with benefits as it leads to business competition which in turn helps us to get more advanced technology and boost our economy.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response effectively addresses both parts of the question. However, make sure to proofread for spelling errors (e.g., 'negeztive' should be 'negative').
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are connected smoothly with transition words to improve flow and coherence.
task achievement
Double-check the grammar and sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision in your examples.
task achievement
You provided clear and relevant examples that appropriately support your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong and well-structured introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge
  • innovation
  • brand loyalty
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived value
  • competitive advantage
  • market trends
  • fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • sustainable consumption
  • upgrades
  • environmental impact
  • disposability
  • consumer satisfaction
  • marketing strategy
  • urgency
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!