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Band 4.5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence
The
level
 of someone’s
intelligence
 is not only proven by success. There are other factors that may not agree with
this
 statement. One contribution to measuring
intelligence
 is seeking general
knowledge
,
while
 another fact that can be added, is the aspect of emotional
intelligence
. Pursuing general, wisdom or
knowledge
 is a distinguished trait of proving an individual’s
level
 of
intelligence
. Open-minded and smart
people
, often search
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 new ways to expand their ways of thinking, and are rarely satisfied with an unprogressive state of mind. The meaning behind general
knowledge
 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key features, which are curiosity and the desire to learn not only about different cultures or traditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 awareness
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. Provided with that information, acknowledging those characteristics in an intelligent mind can be instantly spotted just by engaging . Possessing
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emotional
intelligence
 is
also
 a huge sign of someone’s
level
 of smartness humans as a society are not top-notch empaths or emotionally oriented, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind
lack
Change the verb form
lacks
show examples
 awareness of
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 feelings and can turn egotistical. Recognizing
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 emotions is not an easy job, being able to react to them correctly, without being primary or defensive is a hard and calculated task.
For example
, plenty of successful leaders, or CEOs do not possess the most important thing in society, which is in fact, empathy. In conclusion,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
 may argue that successful
people
 do not need to have general wisdom, curiosity for
knowledge
 or the capability of an emotional intellect. I hold the opinion, that in order to measure someone’s
level
 of
intelligence
, you need to have at least one of those traits to be considered well-read.
Submitted by kiarayulisivova on

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coherence cohesion
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, they lack a clear thesis statement and a definitive summary of your arguments, respectively. For a higher grade, ensure your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made in the essay, reinforcing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The main points of your essay are understandable but are not thoroughly developed or supported by concrete examples or evidence. To improve, make sure each paragraph elaborates on a single idea, provides detailed support, and uses specific examples to demonstrate your claims.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but the response is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth in the development of ideas. To achieve a higher score, provide a more nuanced discussion, include varied examples, and present a comprehensive analysis of the topic that clearly delineates your position on the measure of intelligence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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