Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
While
it is believe
by some that competitive Change the verb form
is believed
sports
can contribute to positive impacts on the education of teenagers
,others claim that there have
negative consequences.Verb problem
are
This
essay will delve into the detalis
of both points of view Correct your spelling
details
in addition
to my opinion.
To commence with, some people believe that some positive infuencations
on the education of Correct your spelling
influences
teenagers
can happen because of the competition in the sport
field. To illustrate Change the noun form
sports
this
, these kinds of activities are
Unnecessary verb
apply
partiually
Correct your spelling
partially
particularly
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
the cells of the brain to be active and healthy. Change preposition
apply
As a result
, the teenagers
who work out these exercises are able to comprehend the complex tasks of the schools within Correct article usage
a realtively
realtively
short period of time. Correct your spelling
relatively
According to
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
was
done by Ealing Unnecessary verb
apply
school
in the Capitalize word
School
U.K
.Correct your spelling
U.K.
Moreover
, their social level are
Change the verb form
is
surge
owing to these Wrong verb form
surged
sort
of activities,which is really important Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
on
the learning of Change preposition
for
teenagers
. Despite this
justification, I am inclined to think neither.
For
another point of view,others say that ego and Change preposition
From
selfish
all of these negative Replace the word
selfishness
adjctives
extent caused by Correct your spelling
adjectives
adjective
the
competitive Correct article usage
apply
sports
.This
is because all of the participants are keen on wining
whatever the result will be. These negative emotions affect directly Correct your spelling
winning
into
the Change preposition
apply
absorptibe
capacity of their brains,so they will not Correct your spelling
absorptive
able
to grasp Add a missing verb
be able
a
difficult subjects
What is more ,Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
teenagers
will focus on sports
and not exert effor
in studying. Correct your spelling
effort
efforts
Therefore
, their educational results will hinder
. So as to the given reasons, what some schools did was deter these activities and made a strike Wrong verb form
be hindered
palance
between learning and Correct your spelling
balance
sports
. Take my brother
school as a clear example the pupils were Change noun form
brother's
promoted
to leave out Verb problem
forced
these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
sports
because of the given justifications. So as not suffer
from the given negative consequences the schools have to embrace the mentioned Fix the infinitive
to suffer
approached
. Replace the word
approach
Hence
, it seems to me that it would be bettet
for Correct your spelling
better
the
Correct article usage
apply
teenagers
to do not work
out these types of Fix the infinitive
to work
sports
in order to get
progress on their educational level.
In a nutshell, Verb problem
make
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
cometitive
Correct your spelling
competitive
sports
have positive impacts, there
bring about drawbacks for Correct pronoun usage
they
the
Correct article usage
apply
teenagers
on
their education Change preposition
in
according to
the aforementioned clarifications.Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, and make sure that each sentence flows logically from the one before it.
coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and a conclusion, they could be improved by clearly stating the main points of the essay. Ensure that your thesis statement in the introduction previews what you will discuss, and your conclusion summarizes your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your main points were not fully developed and lacked substantiated explanations and examples. Expand your paragraphs by providing more detailed reasons, consequences, and examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
You have made an effort to respond to the task, but your response is not fully complete. Make sure to discuss both views comprehensively and provide a more balanced argument before stating your opinion. Your opinion should be clear and well-supported.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they are not comprehensive. Elaborate on your ideas to fully develop your arguments and ensure that your points are backed up with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
There is some attempt to use examples, but they are too general and lack specificity. To enhance your task achievement score, include relevant and specific examples that directly support your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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