Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #effect #education #teenagers

While

is believe

Change the verb form

is believed

show examples

by some that competitive

sports

can contribute to positive impacts on the education of

teenagers

,others claim that there

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

negative consequences.

This

essay will delve into the

detalis

Correct your spelling

details

of both points of view

in addition

to my opinion. To commence with, some people believe that some positive

infuencations

Correct your spelling

influences

on the education of

teenagers

can happen because of the competition in the

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

field. To illustrate

this

, these kinds of activities

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

partiually

Correct your spelling

partially

particularly

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the cells of the brain to be active and healthy.

As a result

, the

teenagers

who work out these exercises are able to comprehend the complex tasks of the schools within

Correct article usage

a realtively

show examples

realtively

Correct your spelling

relatively

short period of time.

According to

survey

Correct article usage

a survey

show examples

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

done by Ealing

school

Capitalize word

School

show examples

in the

U.K

Correct your spelling

U.K.

Moreover

, their social level

are

Change the verb form

show examples

surge

Wrong verb form

surged

show examples

owing to these

sort

Fix the agreement mistake

sorts

show examples

of activities,which is really important

Change preposition

for

show examples

the learning of

teenagers

. Despite

this

justification, I am inclined to think neither.

For

Change preposition

From

show examples

another point of view,others say that ego and

selfish

Replace the word

selfishness

show examples

all of these negative

adjctives

Correct your spelling

adjectives

adjective

extent caused by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

competitive

sports

This

is because all of the participants are keen on

wining

Correct your spelling

winning

show examples

whatever the result will be. These negative emotions affect directly

into

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

absorptibe

Correct your spelling

absorptive

capacity of their brains,so they will not

able

Add a missing verb

be able

show examples

to grasp

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

difficult subjects What is more ,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

will focus on

sports

and not exert

effor

Correct your spelling

effort

efforts

in studying.

Therefore

, their educational results will

hinder

Wrong verb form

be hindered

show examples

. So as to the given reasons, what some schools did was deter these activities and made a strike

palance

Correct your spelling

balance

between learning and

sports

. Take my

brother

Change noun form

brother's

show examples

school as a clear example the pupils were

promoted

Verb problem

forced

show examples

to leave out

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

sports

because of the given justifications. So as not

suffer

Fix the infinitive

to suffer

show examples

from the given negative consequences the schools have to embrace the mentioned

approached

Replace the word

approach

show examples

Hence

, it seems to me that it would be

bettet

Correct your spelling

better

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

to do not

work

Fix the infinitive

to work

show examples

out these types of

sports

in order to

get

Verb problem

make

show examples

progress on their educational level. In a nutshell,

although

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cometitive

Correct your spelling

competitive

sports

have positive impacts,

there

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

bring about drawbacks for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

Change preposition

show examples

their education

according to

the aforementioned clarifications.

Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on Thu Nov 30 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, and make sure that each sentence flows logically from the one before it.

coherence cohesion

While you have included an introduction and a conclusion, they could be improved by clearly stating the main points of the essay. Ensure that your thesis statement in the introduction previews what you will discuss, and your conclusion summarizes your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your main points were not fully developed and lacked substantiated explanations and examples. Expand your paragraphs by providing more detailed reasons, consequences, and examples to support your arguments.

task achievement

You have made an effort to respond to the task, but your response is not fully complete. Make sure to discuss both views comprehensively and provide a more balanced argument before stating your opinion. Your opinion should be clear and well-supported.

task achievement

Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they are not comprehensive. Elaborate on your ideas to fully develop your arguments and ensure that your points are backed up with specific examples or evidence.

task achievement

There is some attempt to use examples, but they are too general and lack specificity. To enhance your task achievement score, include relevant and specific examples that directly support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

350 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people think that tha government is wasting money on tha art and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
It is an irrefutable fact that the authorities allocate the funds equally to all sectors to ameliorate public services. Nevertheless, some individuals claim that instead of spending valuable money on art, the regime should make endeavors to improve other amenities. I disagree with this viewpoint and the reasons associated with this are elucidated in the following paragraphs.
6.5
band
University students must pay all tuition fees, because it benefits mostly them individually, rather than the society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
In the ongoing discourse surrounding the funding of higher education, the question of whether university students should solely bear the financial responsibility of tuition fees has sparked considerable debate. Some argue that students should individually shoulder these costs, given that the benefits primarily accrue to them. This essay will argue in favor of this perspective, contending that higher education is fundamentally an individual investment rather than a societal obligation.
7
band
Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes if this? How can this problem be solved?
Around the world, many major cities have been facing the problem of overpopulation in recent years. The reasons why urban areas are overly populated are countless, but improvements in medicine and immigration play a major role. To tackle these problems, governments can promote family planning and improve the quality of life in the countryside.
4
band
Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Animal annihilation has become an alarming issue in today's world. While some suggest that only the animals closest to extinction should be prioritized for protection, many argue that all kinds of wildlife deserve to be protected equally. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the opinion while strongly support with the view that the entire animal species should be saved.
6.5
band
People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
The last few years have experienced burgeoning growth in the field of communication technology and transportation, which enables people to work and live in any part of the globe. In my opinion, I consider that working in a different country can bring about more advantages for an individual when compared to minor drawbacks that it might bring.

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that tha government is wasting money on tha art and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

University students must pay all tuition fees, because it benefits mostly them individually, rather than the society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes if this? How can this problem be solved?

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?