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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that robots are important to humans’ future development, while others think that it is a dangerous invention that will impact society negatively. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #humans’ #future #development #invention #impact #society
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AGI and
robots
 have a significant development in today’s scientific field, but whether it is secure to use
robots
 is always at the centre of people’s discussion. Proponents of
robots
 claim that
robots
 provide a momentous advantage to the human society. The usage of
robots
 remarkably improves efficiency and productivity since they can continuously work without break, enabling factories to maintain production, and the service industry keeps ongoing as well.
In addition
, several housework
such
 as
dish washing
Correct your spelling
dishwashing
show examples
, floor cleaning, and child caring can
also
 be
robots
’ duties which makes our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 convenient, comfortable and easier.
Moreover
, it is hard for
general
Add an article
a general
show examples
 human to reach the high accuracy, and valuable insight the
robots
 with AGI gets which play an essential role in avoiding mistakes.
For example
,
robots
 can not only undergo industrious production but
also
 do accurate experiments by controlling precise materials,
robots
 can easily memorize which delivery item belongs to which specific customer and which dish belongs to which client and so on.
This
 does not automatically mean that robot is absolutely beneficial for mankind,
robots
 can
also
 lead to several societal issues and security problems. As
robots
 can replace numerous work posts
such
 as workers, waiters, security guards, cooks,
drivers
Correct word choice
and drivers
show examples
, many people have to face the problem of unemployment when a large number of
robots
 are put into service. What’s more, some conservatives assert that when AGI have autonomous consciousness, the opinion of dominating the world will appear in their mind,
hence
 mankind will face serious disasters. Indeed, strong
robots
 equipped with higher cognitive ability, larger knowledge storage, sturdy bodies and autonomous consciousness would be a dreadful potential threat. Based on the aforementioned analysis, it is vital for us to find a balance between developing robot technology and maintaining normal societal regulations.
Robots
 have to provide upsides for humans and be controlled by humans.
Submitted by felixdai89 on

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coherence cohesion
It is evident that an attempt has been made to structure the essay neatly by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the logical structure could benefit from clearer transitions and more variation in connecting phrases to guide the reader through the essay's argumentation with greater clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are included, but both sections seem quite standardized and formulaic. The introduction could be more engaging, setting up a complex issue in a unique way. The conclusion could provide a deeper reflection rather than merely stating the need for balance.
coherence cohesion
While main points have generally been supported, further development is required for each perspective. Additional evidence or more varied examples could enrich the discussion and provide a more compelling argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a complete response to the task with clear arguments for each side of the discussion and a personal opinion. However, achieving task response fully would require a deeper analysis and a more nuanced perspective that acknowledges the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Your ideas are fairly comprehensive, but at times, they require a clearer articulation and further complexity. The discussion would benefit from exploring subtleties within each view and avoiding sweeping general statements without appropriate support.
task achievement
The examples provided contribute to the relevance of the argument but lack specific details that could make them more compelling and illustrative of the points being made. Integrating more specific and varied examples could significantly strengthen the essay's authenticity and analytical depth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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