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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Everyone of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

#meat #health #yo
In recent years, there have been numerous
people
 who argued
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 consuming
meat
 can cause serious
health
 problems. As
such
, there are agreements and disagreements to
this
 trend,
although
 I opine that its disagreements outweigh the agreements. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
 opinion. In
this
 essay, I will examine all the relevant arguments based on experiences. There are several arguments to
this
 trend. The most predominant one is that even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vegetables have been important to
people
's lives;
however
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protein
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 important for
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 bodies. And
meat
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 a lot of protein that
people
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
. The best is not to stop eating
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
;
however
, eating
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
 sufficiently is the most important.
Moreover
, a balanced diet is really important nowadays;
therefore
, eating sufficiently is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to keep healthy.
In addition
, there are many dangerous ways to create
health
 problems other than
meat
,
for example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary products or food that contains a lot of fat.
Therefore
, it is not significant if
people
 just reduce consuming
meat
 to become a healthy person. If
people
 want to decrease
health
 issues, they must have a balanced diet. In conclusion, eating
meat
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
crucial for
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 bodies to gain energy. Protein that
contains
Wrong verb form
is contained
show examples
 in
meat
 is substantial for
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 balanced diet. In my opinion, eating vegetables and consuming
meat
 sufficiently are important to
people
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, if
people
 want to reduce
health
 problems, they should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
eat less sugary products or
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 foods and do some sports to maintain their
health
.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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introduction & conclusion
You should strive to present a clear introduction that outlines the key points you will discuss. Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarises your position and the main points from the body paragraphs, ensuring that it addresses the prompt explicitly.
logical structure & cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea you will explore. Keep each paragraph focused on a single topic, and make sure your ideas are logically ordered and that you utilise appropriate cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, transitional phrases) to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task response
In aiming for a high band score, you should fully address all parts of the task with well-developed ideas and arguments. Opposing viewpoints should be acknowledged where appropriate, with explanations provided on how they relate to your position.
clarity of ideas
When presenting your ideas, make sure they are clear and easy to understand. Develop them comprehensively and avoid vague statements. Clarity will improve the reader's ability to follow your arguments and strengthen your essay overall.
use of examples
In supporting your main points, use specific and relevant examples and data. The examples should be directly linked to the points you are making and should clearly demonstrate why the point is valid or important in the context of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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