IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In regards to
Job
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 satisfaction and levels of personal income, there are two kinds of prospects. There is a group which prefers to go on with one particular
job
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 and tries to endure negative aspects of their profession
such
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 as having a demanding
job
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 or lack of money supplies.
on the other hand
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, there are employees who always tend to improve their career position. In
this
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 essay, I will consider both points of view and introduce my standpoints. Starting the discussion with
people
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 who keep on a particular
job
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 for a long time regardless of cons of it.
People
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 usually tend to work in order to broaden their horizons, gain lots of experiences or knowledge and improve their social skills by being around other
people
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 or building new relationships
as well as
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 , making good money to have a better
life
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 . As each of these factors couldn't fulfil an employee,
job
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 dissatisfaction will appear.
Consequently
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,
people
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 should tolerate their demanding
job
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 and as it goes there would be more risk of wasting their time and energy. Even though the first group can have a less risk-taking personality every little change in their profession would scare them. Maybe they are afraid that their current
job
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 will be unachievable if they try to stick their neck out and experience new ways. On the other side of the argument, There are workforces who always want to level up their
job
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 . They are usually motivated and fearless
people
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 who can take risks and benefit from transformation , especially in their careers .
Although
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 the first steps of the change need to consider different aspects
such
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 as pros or cons or spending significant time to make the right decision, after that if they decide to go to the next chapter of their work
life
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 it would be much more beneficial to them and they would enjoy a better
life
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 .
For instance
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, when you start a new
job
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 the
job
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 situations may be suitable for you in that phase of your
life
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. But after a
while
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, as you experience teamwork with your colleague you become disappointed with their bad
teamworkwork
Correct your spelling
teamwork
playing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and you can't achieve your goals
as a result
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. In that situation,
this
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 group of employees prefer to enhance their work environment by moving to other offices. To put it in a nutshell, in my opinion,
people
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 who have a strong sense of responsibility could be
a good risk takers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good risk taker
good risk takers
show examples
 in regard to changing their career and as they consider every aspect of their decision, can often take the benefits of it and experience a better work-
life
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 balance.

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coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to structure the essay with the introduction, main body, and conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer and the conclusion needs to be more explicit and summative of the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Main points are touched upon, but they need to be developed further with clearer topic sentences and more varied cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, attempting to discuss both views and providing an opinion. The task would be fully achieved by expanding on the ideas, providing more detailed examples and ensuring a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The arguments are somewhat represented but need to be articulated in a more comprehensive way. Be sure to fully explore each point of view with clear, focused, and elaborate ideas.
task achievement
Specific examples are sparse and somewhat generic. Enhance your essay by including more detailed and directly relevant examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
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