IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that city zoos are cruel and should be closed. Others, however, believe that city zoos can preserve wild animals for future generations. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #city #zoos #animals #future #generations
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A number of people argue that city zoological gardens are inhumane and ought to be abolished,
while
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 others say that they help
to
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apply
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safeguard the existence of wild creatures for all future members of the public. I believe that
while
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 the development of breeding programs contributes to the preservation of endangered species, the poor conditions that many
animals
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 held in
captivity
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 are kept in
make
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making
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 the existence of zoos unacceptable. On the one hand, there are many projects in existence in zoological parks around the world where species facing extinction have been successfully bred in
captivity
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 and their numbers increased substantially.
This
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 is important for ensuring the survival of
animals
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 under threat from poaching and the destruction of their natural environments. A good example of
this
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 is the Great Beaver which nearly died out because of logging and mining activities that are destroying its habitat. Today, half of the Great Beavers were raised in
captivity
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.
On the other hand
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, a significant percentage of zoos house their
animals
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 in cramped cages with very little space to move around or behave naturally.
This
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 can lead to them becoming depressed and stressed
as well as
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 suffering physically through lack of exercise. A friend of mine recently visited a wildlife park
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 on holiday abroad and was very upset to see tigers pacing up and down in narrow, bare pens and eagles in enclosures so small that they were unable to fly. In brief, any
animals
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 in
captivity
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 have lost their freedom. In conclusion,
although
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 zoos do help to safeguard shrinking populations of particular species. In my view, the daily suffering experienced by many caged creatures
due to
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 unsuitable living conditions
amounts
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amount
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 to cruelty and
such
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 entities should be closed.
Submitted by jackcityone on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea and that this idea is developed coherently throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make use of cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs, but ensure variety and appropriate use.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay; the conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position clearly.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that both views and your own opinion are present and well articulated.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully with explanations or reasons, not just with examples. This will help to demonstrate a clear and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Include specific examples that are relevant to the argument being made, but ensure they support a clear central idea for each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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