You saw a brochure for a one-week walking tour in the mountains. You're very interested in taking part, but you're not very fit and are worried you wouldn't be able to keep up. Write to the tour operator. In your letter: • Explain why you're interested in the tour. • Ask for information about dates and prices. • Express your concerns about your fitness level.

#brochure #tour #mountains #re #part #wouldn #operator #information #dates #prices #concerns #fitness #level

Dear Sir/Madam My name is Victor from Bangkok Thailand. I am writing

this

letter to you because I was extremely interested in your events about the one-week walking tour, which you advertised in a brochure. Personally, I frequently enjoy walking outside, but I never participate in walking in the mountains.

Furthermore

, I would like to request some information involved in

this

activity, I was wondering if you could provide the details about the dates and prices of the event.

This

information will make me easily to decide join the tour.

Lastly

, I would like to express my concerns about my physical strength. I am not confident that I can take part in

this

activity or not. Before

this

tour starts, I will try to perform exercise every day and control my food.

Moreover

, I have to take a rest more by going to bed early and sleeping or waking up at the same time. I look forward to hearing more information from you soon. Yours faithfully, Victor

Submitted by mahawichet on Sat Dec 02 2023

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clarity

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point to maintain clarity. The second paragraph introduces two separate ideas: enjoyment of walking and lack of mountain walking experience. These should be separate paragraphs.

cohesion

Transitions and cohesive devices could be used more effectively between and within paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of the ideas presented. Consider linking sentences and ideas more smoothly.

task response

You have addressed the task's requirements but could provide more expansion on the details, especially regarding your fitness concerns and how they specifically relate to the demands of the walking tour.

tone

Maintain a formal and polite tone throughout the letter, which you have done effectively. Use formal greetings and sign-offs and avoid overly casual language or contractions.

closure

The conclusion should directly address the initial inquiry, reinforcing your interest and awaiting a response. It may include a prompt for the recipient to reply.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

167 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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