IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

in the past, more people worked in the countryside. these days, most people work in cities instead. what are the resons for this change? Is it a positive or negative development.

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Introduction
An increasing number of individuals have started working in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 rather than in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend is mainly linked to two major factors, and I think it is a completely negative development because it creates various problems for society.
Body · 1
One significant reason why
people
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 move to
cities
Use synonyms
 to work is the better job opportunities. Today, most of the jobs are associated with advanced technology and modern industries in
cities
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, which are less common in rural
areas
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.
Also
Linking Words
, individuals often struggle to develop their careers in the countryside
due to
Linking Words
 limited possibilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to work in
cities
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 where they can build a more successful and stable future.
Body · 2
Providing high salaries is
also
Linking Words
 another factor in choosing
cities
Use synonyms
 over villages. Since villages offer low wage rates, it becomes very difficult for residents to improve their lifestyle. Companies in
cities
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,
however
Linking Words
, offer competitive pay, which helps
people
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 to live in high-quality homes and spend money on better education and healthcare. These reasons encourage them to work in modern surroundings, where their
overall
Linking Words
 lifestyle would change into a more financially secure life.
Body · 3
In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
cities
Use synonyms
 allow individuals to live life in modern ways, the migration of workers from rural
areas
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 has increased some problems. Traffic congestion, pollution and overcrowding in shopping centres lead to increased stress in
people
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's lives, which is not beneficial for their mental health.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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 leave rural
areas
Use synonyms
 mainly because of practice reasons;
however
Linking Words
, the results are often very harmful for families, which makes it a negative development. Better urban planning and management of the environment to reduce pollution are required to maintain the quality of life in
cities
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and your view, but the bad side needs more detail.
task response
Add one clear example. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Explain why this change is negative in a deeper way. Now the point is clear, but still a bit short.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: intro, reasons, opinion, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are good, but a few lines can sound a bit repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea and support it with one extra detail or example.
task response
You answer the full question and give your opinion clearly.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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