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Band 7.5

there are to much noise in public areas in cities. what is the main cause? how local authorities and people living in this area solve this problem?

#noise #areas #cities #authorities #people #area
In urban areas,
noise
 pollution is said to be worsening in numerous public centres. The root cause of
this
 is citizens' lack of manners at
home
, yet it can be tackled by not only the government imposing regulations to for predominant volume but
also
 each person practising being polite in their daily routine.
Firstly
,the principal cause can be attributed to the poor discipline of
people
 at
home
. It must be recognized that
people
 are usually noisy on a daily basis because
home
 is a private place.
Consequently
, those
people
also
 express
this
 action naturally and do not perceive it as wrong. Take Ho Chi Minh City as an example here, where, 72% of children who do not have strict discipline at
home
 are always annoyed at the parks.
However
, one of the possible solutions can be addressed by the government's actions toward citizen's behaviour. The most effective approach is if
people
 visit some public places, individuals must follow the principles in those destinations for appropriate sound.
As a result
, citizens are able to be aware of these actions
as well as
 obey those regulations in the right way.
This
 is right in the USA, which is really quiet and peaceful on the train because of the 20-dollar punishment as long as each citizen makes a
noise
Additionally
, another measure can be found in each self-discipline at
home
. To be more specific, each person needs to establish habits for politeness on a daily basis.
This
 situation leads to
people
 communicating
as well as
 interacting politely.
For instance
, in Singapore, workers used to be quite noisy in offices but after the self-practice of manner,
this
 matter is relieved.
Therefore
, the
noise
 pollution in public areas stems from the shortage of politeness at
home
 for each person.
Nevertheless
, by authorities forbidding enormous sound and individual
people
 learning how to not make
noise
 in their daily routines,
this
 problem will be improved.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly distinct and that your essay progresses in a logical order. Use transitional phrases to show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Always have a strong opening and closing paragraph that clearly states the topic and your position or conclusion. Avoid ambiguity in your introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Back up your main points with clear, relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and sufficient supporting details.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the question. Your essay should include an analysis of the causes and a detailed discussion on the solutions suggested.
task achievement
Ideas should be expressed clearly and developed comprehensively. Aim for precision in your language and avoid overly general statements that do not add substantial information.
task achievement
Illustrate your points with specific examples. Ideals are strengthened when they are grounded in real-world scenarios or statistical evidence, which you attempted to do with the examples of Ho Chi Minh City and Singapore.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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