IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behavior
Punishment
 is a main part of nurturing for teaching children everything in a correct way and it needs to be enrolled in homes and
also
 schools. In my opinion, we can teach children with encouragement
instead
 of
punishment
, but sometimes they need to be punished for fatal mistakes. On the one hand human brain has a bigger part associated with encouraging than punishing. It means that if we want to teach something to an early
child
 we have to focus on their positive behavior
instead
 of negative.
Although
punishment
 is necessary sometimes for making them aware of the consequences of their actions, parents and teachers have to be careful about the impact of the penalties on the baby's mental health too.
For example
, a
child
 can be injured easily if
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 family is not aware of the mental weaknesses of a
child
 or standard treatments in these regards. On another hand, raising a
child
 without any boundaries can bring so many irreparable results. Home is the first place that individuals face the world and a
child
 can be launched into an antisocial behaviour pathway if the adults who are living with let him/her do anything he/she wants. The real world cannot endure every mistake, and
due to
this
 youth who have no experience of being punished or dissatisfied in their lives will be disappointed very soon because the real world can be brutal and full of dissatisfactions. In conclusion, encouragement is more reliable for learning in childhood
instead
 of
punishment
 because of our brain design. Parents and tutors,
however
, need to set some rules as punishments formerly
while
 they have to be aware of the mental traumas in order to punishments
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Try to clarify your stance on punishment more explicitly in your introduction to immediately guide the reader.
Body Paragraph
Use more concrete examples to support your arguments for a stronger impact and to make your points more vivid.
Coherence
Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly around central ideas, ensuring each one begins with a clear topic sentence.
Grammar
Be cautious of grammatical errors and try to vary your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay.
Content
Your balanced perspective on punishment versus encouragement is thought-provoking.
Structure
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral development
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Behavioral psychology
  • Disciplinary methods
  • Corporal punishment
  • Psychological effects
  • Authoritative parenting
  • Permissive parenting
  • Behavioural correction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Legal frameworks
  • Cognitive development
  • Social norms
  • Character building
  • Restorative practices
  • Authoritarian approach
  • Constructive criticism
  • Pro-social behavior
  • Conditioning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: