Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams life football, while others think individual sports like tennis and Swimming is better.
Sports
is mentioned in these days world as a pivotal factor to not only human's mental and physical health but also
their relationships when taking part in as a team
. Nevertheless
, others argue that individual sports
will bring them more benefits than the mentioned one. In this
essay, I will analyse both of their opinions, as well as
give my own suggestion, since I believe that team
sports
are able to offer better results for us.
To begin
with, the bulk of people
boost their teamwork abilities through these outside activities, which allow them to communicate, discuss and practice in a group of people
. Furthermore
, new relationships can be formed in the process of enjoying their common interests, as a result
, humans may learn something useful from each other and widen their knowledge of both hobbies and other life aspects. If people
had an opportunity to spend qualified time together after a long day of hard work, it would be the right circumstance for them to foster affection, which could have been lost in the past. In addition
, team
sports
are also
able to recover human energy and happiness, making extroverts feel more relaxed as well as
relieving stress from work and study.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that society tends to focus deeper on their own favourites when doing them alone. Moreover
, people
's mental health recovery also
takes place faster owing to having time to interact with their souls carefully. This
is a crucial process, which all individuals need to do for self-healing purposes. For instance
, playing tennis alone while
immersed in the world of infatuated type of music may offer people
, who are introverted, relaxation and peace in order to speak for themselves. Together with
this
, when joining in individual sports
, humans can play whenever and whatever they want, in lieu of having to wait or follow their partners' wishes.
In conclusion, practising with a team
may increase your relationship network, along with
a great energy recovery. Despite self-practising will create a peaceful atmosphere, besides
a flexible schedule, which depends only on your own. From my perspective, the first kind of sport seems to have more advantages, due to
bonding with close friends permits
Wrong verb form
permitting
people
to receive attention.Submitted by anhquynhkth06 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the ideas expressed in your essay are well-structured with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, improving the flow and making the argument more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make certain to introduce each paragraph with a clear main idea and follow it up with supporting sentences that contribute directly to the topic being discussed. Maintain a logical progression throughout.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. While you have made some general statements that are relevant, tangible examples can greatly strengthen the position you are advocating for.
Task Achievement
Your essay addressed the task mainly by presenting arguments for both team sports and individual sports. It would benefit from a clearer position throughout the essay and in the conclusion. Make sure your opinion is consistent and distinct.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example