Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams life football, while others think individual sports like tennis and Swimming is better.

#people #part #sports #teams #life #football #tennis

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Sports

Use synonyms

is mentioned in these days world as a pivotal factor to not only human's mental and physical health but

also

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their relationships when taking part in as a

team

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Nevertheless

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, others argue that individual

sports

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will bring them more benefits than the mentioned one. In

this

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essay, I will analyse both of their opinions,

as well as

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give my own suggestion, since I believe that

team

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sports

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are able to offer better results for us.

To begin

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with, the bulk of

people

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boost their teamwork abilities through these outside activities, which allow them to communicate, discuss and practice in a group of

people

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Furthermore

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, new relationships can be formed in the process of enjoying their common interests,

as a result

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, humans may learn something useful from each other and widen their knowledge of both hobbies and other life aspects. If

people

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had an opportunity to spend qualified time together after a long day of hard work, it would be the right circumstance for them to foster affection, which could have been lost in the past.

In addition

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team

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sports

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are

also

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able to recover human energy and happiness, making extroverts feel more relaxed

as well as

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relieving stress from work and study.

On the other hand

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, it is undeniable that society tends to focus deeper on their own favourites when doing them alone.

Moreover

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people

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's mental health recovery

also

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takes place faster owing to having time to interact with their souls carefully.

This

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is a crucial process, which all individuals need to do for self-healing purposes.

For instance

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, playing tennis alone

while

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immersed in the world of infatuated type of music may offer

people

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, who are introverted, relaxation and peace in order to speak for themselves.

Together with

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this

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, when joining in individual

sports

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, humans can play whenever and whatever they want, in lieu of having to wait or follow their partners' wishes. In conclusion, practising with a

team

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may increase your relationship network,

along with

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a great energy recovery. Despite self-practising will create a peaceful atmosphere,

besides

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a flexible schedule, which depends only on your own. From my perspective, the first kind of sport seems to have more advantages,

due to

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bonding with close friends

permits

Wrong verb form

permitting

show examples

people

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to receive attention.

Submitted by anhquynhkth06 on Sun Dec 03 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that the ideas expressed in your essay are well-structured with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, improving the flow and making the argument more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make certain to introduce each paragraph with a clear main idea and follow it up with supporting sentences that contribute directly to the topic being discussed. Maintain a logical progression throughout.

Task Achievement

Provide specific examples to support your arguments. While you have made some general statements that are relevant, tangible examples can greatly strengthen the position you are advocating for.

Task Achievement

Your essay addressed the task mainly by presenting arguments for both team sports and individual sports. It would benefit from a clearer position throughout the essay and in the conclusion. Make sure your opinion is consistent and distinct.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

372 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

collaboration
teamwork
personal and professional life
development of social skills
communicate
cooperate
support network
valuable life lessons
reliability
punctuality
common goal
personal growth
self-improvement
self-discipline
time management skills
training routines
personal achievement
satisfaction

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Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams life football, while others think individual sports like tennis and Swimming is better.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money should be invested better in other areas. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Since the beginning of the 20th century, the number of endangered species has increased significantly and we have witnessed more mass extinctions in this period than in any other period of time. What problems arise from this and how can they be tackled?