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Writing Samples
Band 8

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but nobody has agreed on what an ideal society would look like. What do you think is the most important element needed to make a society perfect? How can the ideal society be achieved?

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Throughout the course of history, living in a utopia has been the dream of people around the world;
however
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, the idea of a perfect society has not been agreed upon. The following essay is going to discuss why equality is the key to establishing a utopian society and how
this
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 dream can be achieved through educational opportunities.
To begin
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 with, a large proportion of global issues is associated with the belief in entitlement and social hierarchies.
Hence
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, to bring forth a utopia, humans need to eliminate the sources of these problems and create impartiality.
This
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 means that civil rights are the most crucial cornerstone when it comes to creating a utopian civilisation. Simply put, individuals should have the right to access every amenity that a nation can provide
such
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 as social welfare and educational opportunities.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, people in remote areas
such
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 as Lang Son should
also
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 be able to be examined by skilled doctors from prestigious hospitals. That brings us to the means to achieve the dream of a perfect country, which is through education.
To begin
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 with, the government should educate citizens about the importance of equality.
For example
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, seminars and workshops should be held to make citizens aware of the disadvantages each ethnicity faces.
Furthermore
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 , individuals should be given chances to participate in charities in underdeveloped areas.
This
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 will help them understand the living conditions of the underprivileged,
thus
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 developing their understanding of equality. In conclusion, a perfect society can translate into a world where people are equal to others, and
this
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 ideal world can be achieved through education.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on how educational initiatives can be implemented practically across various regions, and mention potential challenges and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include transitions between sentences and ideas to enhance the flow and clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the argument well, providing a solid structure.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies equality as a cornerstone for a perfect society and provides relevant examples to support this idea.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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