IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People continue to commit crimes even after being penalized for their wrongdoings. Why do you think this happens? How can crimes be stopped?

#people #crimes #wrongdoings
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It is becoming a trend where criminals commit repeated felonies despite being punished in the past. There are a plethora of reasons contributing to
this
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 behaviour
such
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 as depression, unemployment, etc, The government and other Health Institutes should come forward and aid
people
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 with criminal pasts to overcome their bad attitude towards society.
To begin
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 with, all are not born criminals, circumstances and situations push
people
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 to indulge in wrong behaviour. It is, either because of their family upbringing or friends circle that triggers them to commit assaults.
For example
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, a child brought up in poverty who has no access to proper education
,
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 ends up being unemployed. In order to overcome his hunger, he starts pickpocketing. Eventually, Small crime leads to bigger ones in the future.
Similarly
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, bad companies
also
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 attract
people
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 to endorse bad behaviour. To illustrate, it was recently reported by the Times of India that, more college students are getting involved in the drug dealing business than ever before.
This
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 is solely because they have a tight network between them. Even after, getting caught by the cops and after serving their time in Jail, they tend to commit offences repeatedly because there is no respect for them in society post their release from prison. Once a felony, always a felony and
people
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 lose trust in these individuals and are reluctant to give them a second opportunity.
Thus
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, pushing them into depression which in turn, triggers them to commit crimes again. Having said that, I am of the opinion that the government should create more job opportunities for them and conduct several seminars on how to become a good citizen.
In addition
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, Medical Institutes and Mental Wellness Centers should come forward and give them free counselling to overcome the aversion they have towards our society.
Overall
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, the issue can be handled easily by partnering with the right professionals at the right time. I am very positive that we, as a community, can definitely downsize the crime rate and create a harmonious living environment .
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. One area for improvement is to ensure smoother transitions between some of the paragraphs to maintain the flow of logic.
task achievement
You have a clear and complete response to the task, addressing both why people commit crimes after being punished and how crimes can be stopped. However, try to use more varied examples and support for your arguments to give stronger evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your points clear and easy to understand.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task, providing reasons for repeated offenses and possible solutions to prevent crimes. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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