The most important role of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples form your own knowledge or experience.

It is often believed that the primary role of
science
is to develop the way
people
live. I partially agree with
this
, for medical products lead to the improvement of public health regardless of other significant roles of
science
to preserve the environment. On the one hand,
science
should play a critical role in saving
people
's lives in the emergence of new diseases, making
people
more vulnerable to them.
In other words
, they are threatening the lives of millions of
people
, especially children and seniors, whose immune system is generally weaker than that of young adults.
For instance
,the pandemic of coronavirus in 2019 led to approximately 506000 deaths in Japan as there was no effective medical treatment at that time.
Thus
,
science
should be developed to produce medicines and vaccines to mitigate the severe symptoms of infected patients
as well as
prevent their deaths, which will make a significant contribution to increasing their sense of happiness and safety.
On the other hand
, progress in
science
should
also
be made in solving environmental problems, which it makes difficult for wild animals to adapt to. Indeed, the growing contamination of water should be immediately tackled by the increasing understanding of
science
, which allows scientists to detect and remove harmful chemicals in the ocean.
Furthermore
, the development of
science
will lead to various theories and hypotheses, making it possible for
people
to react instantly before some dangers arise.
This
is significant as several marine creatures are already dead
such
as tuna and squids
due to
exposure to highly toxic materials, which leads to declining biodiversity. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that
science
should be enhanced to promote the lives of
people
with a growing demand for medical products to cure unknown diseases.
However
, escalating damage to the environment requires a more scientific understanding to prevent the contamination and deaths of innocent wild creatures.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
You provided a comprehensive response, covering both sides of the argument. However, you could strengthen your position by explicitly stating your degree of agreement or disagreement more clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are clearly supported with appropriate examples, a few of your sentences could benefit from more precise language and more variety in sentence structure to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Consider working on the fluidity of transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be achieved by employing more linking words and phrases, which will help in further enhancing the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is engaging and provides a clear thesis, which sets a strong foundation for the rest of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your thesis, providing a well-rounded end to your argument.
supported main points
You have used relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The main points are logically structured and easy to follow, contributing to a cohesive argument.

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