Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
The proliferating of purchasing goods
have
been Correct subject-verb agreement
has
famous
exercise in their free Add an article
a famous
time
. It is reckoned by young people to buy online shopping is a trend. However
, to spend
Change the verb form
spending
time
during
shopping has been observed by a large number of people. Change preposition
apply
Due to
they
are not conscious of importance
of free Add an article
the importance
time
so they perfer
to buy items. It is a negative impact and in Correct your spelling
prefer
this
essay
I will support my stand with valid arguments.
In many countries, especially in cities, shopping has become Add a comma
essay,
the
popular activity for adults. Youngsters are eager to explore new trends and products in the Correct article usage
a
market
. Therefore
, whenever the
youngsters have spare Correct article usage
apply
time
they go out in
the Change preposition
to
market
. One of my friends is a fashion geek and he loves to go shopping
centres to check the new Change preposition
to shopping
designed
Replace the word
designs
Correct pronoun usage
that arrived
arrived
in stores, in turn, he wastes valuable Wrong verb form
arrive
time
which can be utilized for other works
.I believe Fix the agreement mistake
work
this
negative trend adopted by young people is forcing themselves to spend extravagantly while
they got
out Correct your spelling
go
for
shopping. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, when they visit the market
then
ultimately they are wasting their precious Rephrase
apply
time
which can be spent cautiously on upgrading professional skills which might help at work. A recent survey by Times Now revealed the
more than 50% of the young respondents admitted that they spend at least 20 hours per week at shopping centres and most of the Correct your spelling
that
time
they purchased
from the store. Wrong verb form
purchase
Therefore
, this
habit of young
is beneficial for their Correct article usage
the young
overall
growth.
In conclusion, adults tend to go shopping because of curiosity regarding something new in the market
, I affirm my viewpoint that this
useless habit is wasting their money and precious time
.Submitted by mobinadurrani43 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay does not maintain a consistent logical flow and lacks clear paragraphing. It is challenging to follow the argument due to the absence of clear topic sentences and coherent paragraph structure.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to include an introduction and conclusion, but they are not fully developed. The introduction fails to clearly set out the points that will be discussed, and the conclusion does not effectively summarise the main arguments made in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are presented, but they lack clear support and elaboration. Ensure that each main point is expanded upon with appropriate evidence or examples.
task achievement
The response is incomplete as it does not address the entirety of the prompt - the reasons behind shopping as a popular activity and whether it's positive or negative. Focus on fully answering all parts of the question.
task achievement
The ideas are present but are not presented in a clear and comprehensive manner. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea and that this idea is fully explained and supported.
task achievement
The essay lacks relevant, specific examples that would help to strengthen the argument. Use real-life examples or hypothetical situations that clearly relate to the point being made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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